Just a gentle reminder you are the main character of your life :) 
Keep going love we wanna see how it turns out to be 

Affirmations

Broken mind, broken heart, broken life.. there is nothing left 

Anxiety

Feeling good

When you want to talk to someone so badly but you remember the bad they did to you is worst feeling ever !

3am Thoughts

I hate my life and everything about it. I hate that my parents fight every time they stay in the same room. My bro hates me . I can feel the disgust in his face every time he sees me . Im too fat … Im too ugly … I just don’t deserve any kind of love and may be that is the reason I font have that in my life right now . God just abandoned me and just showing me in a different way that I deserve to be treated this way by people. That I don’t deserve love . I dont know if I could find love … respect… and dignity… 
Im finding it difficult to understand my own personality n the gender confusion on whom I like… n who am I? 


rn its 12.16am  The 6th of October 
i cant really sleep , i havent been able to sleep lately ever since i broke up with Fatimah 🥺 its been really hard for me we broke up almost 3 months ago and still i cant forget her she loves a guy named ilyas and when we broke up she didn't tell me she loves him . she just told me that there is a reason i thought it must be family situations but few days ago i found out that she loves a guy named ilyas she msged one of her friend saying that she doesnt love me and all and loves that guy ilyas i was shattered that day . days passed i tried to forget her but i just cant  

Breakup

Heyy It all started on 12th May and then patch up on 14th May and then again broke up on 16th May and patch up on 17th May and stayed together till 21st may he said his feelings are gone and he said I deserve better I feel like he is depressed.. because he stopped caring ofc he said im forcing to be in a relationship but no IDC if he wanna be in relationship with me or not but I actually do care a lot..! also.. he is acting really weird when I ask how are u? he be like its none of ur concern .. its kinda .. weird because he was never like this in a relationship and before that also.. when we were best friends he talked really nicely and now.. just uff and yes sometimes I just - breakdown :( but it makes me strong I mean I can't leave him he is important and also.. he was saying let me die idc about myself and stuffs like that.. that made me think that he is depressed and his replies get shorter and 0also he doesn't talk to any girl because girls find him ugly but I just can't TELL U HE IS THE CUTEST HUMAN AND I LOVE HIM ❤️💕 and I don't wanna leave him or something like that I feel like he is pretending he doesn't care but he does..! and pretending that he doesn't love but he does I love him :( dymnnnn.. but it's ok if he rejects me .. or something like that there are many boys and also he wants me that I should stop caring about him and loving him when I say "ily" (I MAY LOOK SHAMELESS 😤 BUT TRUST ME IM SHY AS HELL and also I'm weird) but I do know how to love and care and humanity and all) and also he wants to be best friend with me IDK why I said idk 😣 honestly I just want the best ... i still pray for him every day 😬 and his family ofc and sometimes I get flashbacks of our memories and all 😌 which feels so good he was there when I was sad every time I remember every time he got me I was crying on my bday because one of my friends left me and started ignoring me I really like my friend.. he was like a bro to me and then my ex cheered me up on May 9th 💕❤️ he calls himself demon and says that he hurts me a lot... I won't lie but yes sometimes misunderstandings hurt.. and he also hurts me sometimes but it's okay ...! because getting hurt is not nice but I breakdown 💔 I think that's what makes me strong I hv no expectation with my ex that's why it doesn't hurt when he says he doesn't love me but I feel like he does ..!  I  can't leave him because what if his depression gets worse :( i wanna be that person for him so that he will be happy <3333 Idk why im doing this i hv no expectation and don't want anything back <333 just want him to be happy 😌  and also.. i begged for love at first but.. then after 2-3 days, i understood that no forcing someone or begging someone to fall in love with u will never help u to keep that person if they want they will stay ..!!! he literally came into my dreams after the breakup ♥️♥️LOL ITS FUNNY BUT I LOVE IRRITATING HIM AND DISTURBING HIM AND ROASTING HIM  LOL 😂💕 and I self love myself and self-care...! 💕💕💕 and don't expect anything from anyone because expectation hurts so i just don't and I don't overthink but sometimes when I break down I do..! but its okay everyone gets sad sometimes and breakdown its a part of life  ( I FEEL SO STRONG AND MATURE RIGHT NOW)😎 also forgot to mention I tried to fall in love with another guy and got bored after 2 days :') I get bored easily with humans Idk why also there was one more boy he was handsome and so-called hot not to meh :] honestly, idc how a person looks but he was kinda uhhh.. bad person so i rejected him which i think is totally right i asked my inner voice (heart) heart said it's noice that i rejected him swag 😎 and also he said he cant give me a lot of love and care and he said i deserve better because he dosent know how to love but honestly when he makes efforts 😌 ITS THE CUTEST THING IN THIS WHOLE WORLD LIKE WOAH WHY ARE U SO CUTE I may like lots of guys and find them attractive but I cant love them as much as i still do with my ex and why ex I dont want him to be my ex he is my fav person I love him ♥️

Letters to nowhere ......

I let it vanished. I wasted it. We are no longer in touch. I am ill... Just like you once, yet you don't write to me....just like when my granny died, nor on my birthday.... Never. You forgot, you turned your back on me. As I am . Out of jealousy, sadness? For revenge?I am the one who hold the sack or how we use to say..... I'll drink its "juice" anyway... I keep thinking about you... I don't suppress this in myself, I just let it out in a different way. It's worth it, isn't it?! I wish we had never met. I would certainly have gotten there some other way. Is that worth it? Will this be the question of my life?! I had enough of you and more abut my sillyness.


11/08/2022



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