January month was wild to me, this is the first year I can say I started well and I’m keeping pace about it.
I think many of us had some kind of spiritual awakening or at least began to be more conscious of things like me last year, and I can say proudly I’m putting my knowledge to use.
Instead of new years resolution I made long term goals and shaped my principles and values. Based on those values and goals, I changed my routine and habits; my worrying addiction to social media has decreased thanks to practising digital minimalism and changing my focus to things that give me joy by creative means. My mind was creativily active and barely stopped to look at the past and sorrow like I always did, being focused on the present has been literally a present for me.
Of course, things has been building up to this because I first did all my internal work or (I would say decluttering) and it took me a long while. I’m still working on myself and I have much stuff to unpack, more when you’re growing and learn new things and perspectives so when you inevitably look back you realize and see things you didn’t before; rational and emotional. But, after building some stability and a foundation for myself, looking back now or even reading the old posts of this account I’ve seen so much growth in me it makes me want to keep going following my bright present - now.
This was going to be more of a vent post since, like I said, I inevitably looked back and realized something emotionally a few days back that still makes my head heavy… however I can’t help but be positive about it because just now I also realized the person I’m becoming, how fast the past month went and I can happily and proudly said I did something productive, healthy and good. This makes me feel at ease. I still need to tackle the events that made my emotions turbulent these past days and calm my emotional self, having the reassurance that I’m not going back I’m not my emotions and I’m definetely not becoming the me of the past it makes it easy to go through my emotional regulation.
Since I’ve been without company doing all this it’s been difficult to express my emotions outside of my head, so it feels good to write things out here. Hopefully when I read back this I can give myself some courage even just a little to not let myself be defeated by tackling these emotional, unconscious challenges and traumatic events; remind myself I’m not there, I’m not them, I’m not that old me, the mindset I was throughout my life is not a state I will come back to it when “this phase is gone” since is and it always was just a mindset to survive I was trapped in. The me is now, this is me, the good actions I’ve been doing was channeled by my true self, that “you can’t ‘slip backwards’ in your recovery. You can slip, and fall down in place. But when you get back up, are you starting further behind where you fell? No you’re not.”.
I know I’m taking care of, I see the messages and I see what I manifest because even if I have no company I’m not alone and I don’t feel the burden of solitude with myself thankfully.
Rationality is not always the first answer; emotions have a body of it’s own and I can only feel them and understand them, then proceed to work on them doing what I have to do. Then keep going, growing, healing and boosting my self because that’s what I’ve putted my mind into.
I think that it’s great that you took the time to acknowledge all of your self growth. I’m overjoyed to read that you have improved and continue on your recovery. All the best to you along your journey.