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Ive been recently rethinking my relarionship with my bf, as i am begining to doubt he is as good and healthy to me as i originally was convinced. He gets very jelous, up to the point where ive had to read chats with male friends out loud to him while he is crying in a panic attack. I had to quit my job and go back to my home town for dental treatment (severe past trauma), bc only this crazy doctor wanted to treat me. It was hard bc i had to enter long distance relationship mode, and additionally my parents despise him bc i want to live with him and not with them to do their work. The guy helped me out of depression, helped me stop taking pills and helped me stop making myself into everyones emotional wastebin. However, my parents, hating him, decided they would blackmail him into getting a loan for them. This poisoned our relationship as well, and bc my mom isnt really ok in the head, at this point he has given me 24 hours to take the measures i need to take to get outof here, even if it means calling the cops on my parents, as well as child services (i have 3 younger siblings). With all the good things hes done to me, hes also called me pathetic a number of times, and held me responcible for things he had done for me without me even knowing he had, bc i " didnt appreciate them". If i havent done the neccassery by 24 hours, he is dumping me.
If i go to him, it means strapping myself with loans that need paying, my mom says she will also find a way to sue him, dad is saying i will never get a glimpse of my family again. My bf convinces me its the better choice, that they are toxic, horrible people, and that he will help out with me paying stuff. (he also sees me pathetic, with a whorish behaviour bc i have male friends at all, even tho i rarely go outor talk to them at all).
Other option is i stay here, we break up, it kills me. Illnever forgive my parents, but ill have no chouce but to help out with the business i hate so that my loans can be paid up. Meanwhile i work extra and potentially gather enough money to get myself a flat under rent in the city i left where my bf is.
I love this biy so much, but he is so exteme and isforcing me to be extreme as well and i cant handle that so easily. I cant just call foster care or the police, its not that simple, it never is when its your own family.
Can anyone give me an advice on how to proceed?

1 reply

Hi, from what I understand from your situation is that none of the options are healthy for you. Neither staying with your family and nor going with your boyfriend.
Your boyfriend has no right to give me ultimatums or ask you to read your cheats with your male friends. That’s just extreme toxic behaviour which you do not need to deal with.
On the other side, your parents are not a good choice too. But, you’ve lived with them for so long, probably try to survive with them for a little longer till you figure out what needs to be done.
Because there is a third option, living your life on YOUR OWN TERMS. Not being dictated by your toxic bf or your family. You are more than capable to manage yourself.
Don’t take any decision in a hurry please. Take care!


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