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Anonymous

I’ve been meeting this guy for arrange marriage. He’s not an easy person to talk to. He is someone who quickly jumps into conclusions without seeking clarifications. He initially accused me of having all good to hear answers for his questions. I did not think much of it then, but he asked too many difficult questions initially which was overwhelming and it felt like he was moving too fast. He always wants to have important or serious discussions but he didn’t bring them up and I don’t have any such points to talk about. Recently he shouted at me that I manage to difficult conversations only over text and all I had said in text was that he’s an open minded person and that I don’t know what other qualities to looks for in a husband. This strange thing has made me doubt myself if I’m incapable of handling serious things. But, I also can’t figure out what I’ve done wrong.

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2 replies
@heartofdarkness

Don’t marry this jerk.

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Anonymous

I hear how painful that is through your words. There are a lot of people who also deal with this. There is nothing to be ashamed of, it affects a lot of us.

You’ve exhibited great courage in taking the first step by reaching out. Thanks for sharing this here and this is definitely an issue we need more people to talk about. Arranged Marriages in this day & age is NOT what it used to be as it was for the previous generation(s). The dynamics has completely changed.

Respect is a two-way street and he must earn yours as well. He is neither above or beneath you but must learn to be respectful of your feelings as well. You are a wonderful human being and sometimes we just need to be told/reminded of this from time to time. Surround yourself with good friends to confide in (if you’re comfortable with that) about this issue.

If he’s already treating you like this even BEFORE the engagement itself with some of the interaction happening over calls/text/in-person - I think the math here says that he may fare no better once you actually get married. There’s nothing worse than being tied down to a toxic person. It really drains your time and energy.

Hope this helps.

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