It's Saturday and you feel like doing nothing but just to stay in bed for the next two days. Its worth to relax after a whole hectic work week but I feel guilty about it.
Don't know why. 
Sometimes I feel like to just sit and observe what's going around.
It feels like I'm having multiple thoughts at the same time.

3am Thoughts

I have just started to feel soo insecure about myself. Starting to loose my confidence my self worth which was very prominent in my personality but since 1-2 yrs its declining n has been ever since n just feels like I’ve hit rock bottom. I feel ugly unhealthy stupid failure n every bad thing that there is, n someone telling me I’m not all that just to comfort me is the last thing I want rn. Maybe I’m all those bad things n I don’t wanna be yet I fail at taking action I’ve lost my patience n most important faith in me that I wud ever be able to step back up. Every little thing makes me feel failure n insecure. Just feel like I need a mentor. Thank you for listening

Failure

give up or nahh

How to revive a peace of mental health?

Self Esteem

Yeh jo gehre sannate hain, 
Waqt ne sabko hi baante hain. 

Life

I think I have more than just friends feelings for my roommate. 
I don't wanna say 'love', because I do have love for her - she is my best friend, so of course I love her in that sense. But I definitely like her as more than just my best friend and roommate, and let me tell you guys, it fucking sucks. 
I already have a lot of other things going on right now, but I just want to focus on this one aspect, as I am posting this anonymously. This is just one of the major factors that is currently adding to my depression. 
I live with two roommates and became very close with one of them over a year ago now. I moved in however many months ago, while I was in a relationship. I kept finding my thoughts wandering to her while I was in the relationship I was in, but I really loved my boyfriend and figured it was just because she is a very attractive woman, not for anything more. 
Things got better with my boyfriend (we had a bit of a rough patch, nothing serious) and I was so happy with him, I was able to happily put aside my crush on her. It didn't necessarily go away, but it was at least out of mind mostly and I was happy. There were a few moments where I felt like she literally took my breath away, which has admittedly never happened to me before her, but I once again brushed it off as her just being a beautiful person. 
A couple of weeks before my boyfriend and I broke it off - again, for separate reasons that are irrelevant to this (I promise, it wasn't because of her, there was so much else going on in both my and my boyfriend's lives) - I kept thinking about her. It felt so fucked. I wanted things to work out with my boyfriend, but at the same time, I wanted to be able to think about her and not feel like an absolute ass about it. It was tearing me apart because I loved my boyfriend but I also liked my roommate, even though I denied that to myself at the time. 
So my boyfriend and I break up. 
I'm pretty broken inside. I've recently gone through a lot of other losses, and now my only friends are my roommates. We're all depressed here, and my roommate and I cry together, sleep together occasionally (in a non-sexual way, like friends would in a sleepover), trauma bond together. All things we had done before, but it was more intense for me now - to be fair, all my emotions pretty much suck lately. I want to be clear I never went out of my way to do anything, like, creepy. I never see/saw her change (beyond like, a shirt while she has a sports bra on), or try to kiss her or touch her or whatever. I respect her too much to do anything like that.
Here's the thing. There was always this joke that she can't have friends because they all want to date her, and she hates that. She just wants to be friends with her friends. (I should've mentioned this earlier, but she does like women as well) And now I'm one of those shitheads (it's not really their fault either, but you know, I feel like a shithead), except now I live with her. I don't want to move out because I do feel loved here and my roommates care about me. I care about them. It's a pretty loving environment, everything aside. But I feel like it's so fucking unfair to her to live with me, who feels like this, and she doesn't even know it. I feel like a fucking fake piece of shit, even though I don't act differently around her than I did before I had these feelings, but it feels like a lie. 
I don't even know for sure if she doesn't like me, in some capacity, back, but I'm sure I'd never know if I didn't ask HER. This is too much risk right now because I don't know if I can live here and work with her when she - most likely - rejects me. I would still want to be her friend, but it would be so awkward. Things would be different. But it's so shitty! I'm so shitty! That feels like all the goddamn wrong reasons. I have guilt eating at me every day. I worry if I drink too much one night - when we have our wine nights - drunk me is going to get tired of it and let it slip. There has been things she has done that made me wonder if she likes me back, but we're also just very close friends. They weren't super obvious things, just little things that made me wonder, but not enough to convince me of anything. Likely just wishful thinking. 
Everything about this shit fucking sucks. Maybe it's just me trying to hold on to one of the last relationships I have right now, I don't know. 

Thank you for reading if you read all the way through this. I want to know what people think about this situation, given the information I have provided, but also could use some words of support if you don't think I'm a shitty person, cause I think I am. 



Relationships

new to this , i hope i dont offend anyone with my comments

Acquaintance

Afternoon people

Growing Up

Hey all up there 
Just stand up and have a glass of water don't stay thirsty 

Stay safe, stay hydrated, Be happy🤗🤗

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts