Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

It’s like
I refuse to let myself be happy.

Today we talked again
I couldn’t stop smiling
And i hated it
You were there
Actually giving me time
Which is what i have
Complained about the most i think
When we were friends back then
All i wanna do right now
Is keep talking to you
And not talk to you at all.

Want to because
You have been the best person
In my whole life, i feel
You’re like someone i can never
Stop myself, from going after
Can never really fully stop myself
From wanting you back.

But all the time that we were talking
On my mind the fear lingered
Of what happend the last time
And the time before that
How shattered i felt
Not wanting to feel that again
I keep saying to myself
Please stop okay
You have been here before
You know you can’t trust yourself with her again
You know it’s just gonna end the same way again.

Too much on my mind
It’s already 1 am
And i can’t deny
How tired i feel
But sleep isn’t really my thing
I prefer these nights
Spending time with words
Trying to sort my life.

It’s hard okay
To just stop feeling
To stop yourself
From overthinking
Not letting yourself dive
Into memories of past mistakes
To not regret
Or feel the guilt
To be the bad guy
And live with it.

The past whole year
Kept telling myself
How much i don’t want to
Talk to you ever again
That i don’t need to feel
The way i feel with you
Afterall I’m a careless guy
Never meant to be carrying
A heart so brittle
That gets broken everytime
I get remembered of my
Past allies.

I’m not sure how do i
Stop sometimes
Writing my heart out,
It’s been a while
I did this anyways
So sorry if you think
This one’s such a long write
But i do it maybe cause
I like to write.

drumroll

(that’s how you end a sad sounding note with a happy ending)

P.s: (atleast i tried)