Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

Its funny, i so much want to be able to open up and share things about myself , and even when i try to post something like this it takes forever to get it out of me. I’v always thought that i am going to be judged by one wrong word or the way i say it. And if thats not bad anough i replay what ever it was i said over and over in my on head judging myself and trying to figure out how i could had said it differently. I feel awkward around any and all , have always felt like an outcast. I ruined most of my life trying to fix my issues with drinking and drugging. Been clean now for over 15 years , with the help of a long prison sentence and the grace of God , that monkey is off my back. Been out 1 1/2 years and trying to build a loving relationship with myself , i do get lonely and wish i had someone to share personal things with as well as intimacy relations. I keep telling myself it will come in do time, but the way my anxieties act up i sometimes wonder if i’ll ever find someone. I grateful to be where i am in life right now , doing better then i ever have, i grew up while i was locked up and never want to go back to my old ways. Dont get it wrong , i love my alone time , but i would love to find someone i could have a unconditional friendship with. Am i dreaming , or do dreams ever come true.