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One Sided LoveThought

leah @leah_

it’s been awhile since i’ve posted on here. but i’ve been working on myself and working on moving on. it was going really well and i even started talking to this new guy. i was doing better than i was before. i can’t say that i was 100% okay and happy but definitely more happy than before. anyway, like always things started getting bad again. i was talking to this new guy and we were doing great he came over a lot and he made me happy. but then he started lying to me about things he promised he would never lie about. he started talking to his ex again and i didn’t care bc me and him weren’t actually dating. and he told me that they were just friends even though he talked bad about her to me and said he didn’t like her for what she did to him. i thought that that was kind of weird considering i thought he hated her. eventually i found out that he was texting her behind my back and talking bad about me and saying all these things that weren’t true. he let her talk bad about me because she doesn’t like me and he was agreeing with everything she was saying. i found out from another friend and i confronted him about it. he sent me screenshots of their texts and i saw everything. i was obviously very upset with him because of this. and i guess we weren’t really on speaking terms for a little. then i just tried to forget it and so i forgave him (stupid decision of me) we were talking and hanging out again. things were different but i still wanted things to work out with him. a month or two go by and i find out that he’s flirting with other girls behind my back while he’s telling me he wants to be with me. i confronted him about it again because he’s done it before. we were not on speaking terms because i just felt so upset and confused. then comes new years and i found out that he was hanging out with his ex all night and they got drunk together till like 7 in the morning. he didn’t even care how i felt and never talked to me about it. once again he lied and went behind my back. i realized that he had been manipulating and manipulating me and i didn’t want to me manipulated anymore. so i just stopped talking to him and he knew i was upset but didn’t say anything to me about it. he bragged to his friends that me and him stopped talking because he was messing around with other girls. which idk why that would be something to brag about. a month i think, goes by and we are not on speaking terms. he didn’t try and reach out to me at all but i was still so hurt because he didn’t seem to care about how i felt. then i get a text from him and he says that he’s sorry and like before, i tell him that i don’t care if he’s sorry because he still did what he did. he begs and begs for me to let him come over and apologize but i still deny. then i just give up because he keeps begging and begging for me to forgive him. i don’t forgive him but i just “forgot” about it. we are on speaking terms again and mostly as just friends even though he keeps trying to win me back. he was being really sweet to mr so i thought that he actually meant it and i was stupid for believing all the things he said. now this week i found out that he was begging to have sex with some other girl that has a boyfriend. keep in mind i just had him over a couple days before. we cuddled and did all the normal stuff. we laid in bed and talked for hours and he explained everything. but he still decided to go and do what he did. so again, i confronted him about it and he acted like i was overreacting he said and i quote “just because i said i wanna have sex with her doesn’t mean i am” and i was honestly so mad and confused at what he just said to me. he acted like it wasn’t a big deal but it i was going out begging some guy to have sex he would get so mad at me. everything i was saying to him went in one ear and out the other. he didn’t care about what i said at all. his responds were just “okay” and “alright” after i told him that i would have never done that to him and that it just didn’t make sense. and now we’re here i am just honestly not surprised anymore. i wouldn’t say i am upset about it but more mad. i kind of expected something like this happen but i was just so stupid to get manipulated again. i honestly just don’t really care what happens anymore im just fed up with being put through stuff i know i don’t deserve. it just hurts though because i was still healing from a toxic relationship from before and all this had to happen. but i guess i just don’t know what to do now so if you read this all thank you so much and i hope someone can give me some advice.

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