It's been 3 yrs since I sat in a dark room to think about life and relations and today I did it again. He has started affecting my emotions, which is not a good sign I think. The last time when someone influenced my emotions... I nearly lost myself. And at present I can't afford to lose myself again. 
I really don't know what to do now. Maybe I should runaway like I always do or maybe I should stick around and face the truth...but at the end of the day, I'm gonna be hurt anyway.

Frustration

My bf and I got together 4 years back. He is younger than me (not by much) so among us I was the first one to start working. Typically at that age he did not understand how work life works. He used to be insecure about me talking or going out with colleagues. And he has been by my side with all his heart like never made me feel alone even for a moment. Now he has started working but he has conditioned me to certain beliefs which is tough for me to let go of suddenly. Now that he is seeing work life first hand he does has changed his behaviour and stopped being very possesive about me. He has always shown that he has loved me and even stood by me through a major operation (alone during his exams with the absense of my parents) but now I suddenly doubt that moving from student life to work life does he feel like he has better options and hotter girls ? Is that why he is nt so possesive anymore? Although our old life was kind of toxic why do I feel like I want it back? Some girls in his team even flirts with him like anything and he is not doing much to stop them as well. He says no they aren't flirting only u think that everyone is behind me. I'm also facing some body image issues and hormonal prob. Someone please tell me what to think cz I'm tired of thinking 😭 

Boyfriend

okay so first of all i hate myself. i have a VERY ugly body and i think i’m really boring. now second. there’s this guy that has been texting me for a long time. hes rly pretty but i don’t really feel a connection bc our personalities and ways of thinking are very different. at the same time, i get excited while texting him and get jealous over him and idk feel some kind of interested. he wants us to go out but due to my insecurities i have serious social anxiety and i keep avoiding going out with him. i don’t share my “problems” with people but he won’t stop telling me i don’t want to go out with him. i explained to him that this is not the reason and i am just very introverted. apart from that ik that even if we do go out he won’t be able to accept my body so i feel like there’s no point in going out?? ( i didn’t tell him this) so i thought he understood me but today he attacked me again saying i don’t want to meet him. aaand i always think about the past, i can’t get over past situationships and friendships and let me be honest. everyday i wish to be dead. i know there’s nothing to say to this i just don’t wanna talk to anybody. i actually do want to talk but nobody ever understands me and i feel so alone that i’m tired of sharing. so yes i feel comfortable speaking on here bc nobody knows who i am and i needed to say this bc im going insane minute by minute. 

Lonely

hey so.. there is a celebrity which my bf likes.. so much :/.. i just can't tell u how much pain i carry.. with myself.. he loves her so much that he cant forget her and when i said please please forget her.. he said he can't also his name and her name was combined by one of his friend it hurts so badly i don't like any other mens except him not even a celebrity he loves her as a crush he says he likes her for her face but.. i wish i was pretty because of this thing we fight almost like 5-6 times.. he never told me about this he also commented on her post love from my country and with emojis 😍♥️🔥 ik its stupid and childish.. but my past i used to love a boy he was my bf.. now he is my  ex he  cheated on me with my bestfriend💔 nobody see how much efforts i do..! and also my bf never text me first 💔💔 i overthink and sleep for 3 hrs.. only and he knows.. all this but still 💔💔 im badly hurt..just why why am i always so ugly and not special for anyone.. i had anxiety attacks in my past and depression and anxiety oof.. but nobody cares .. i feel.. like one day i will be brave enough to let him go.. but rn im weak.. 💔🙃 i mean why would he choose.. me? i asked him yesterday me or her? he said her 🙃💔 after that.. he said.. he was angry thats why he chose her he said he will choose me.. but .. i always pray for him daily.. care about him and text him first without caring that i also hv self respect and .. love him so much im so scared to lose him.. 😓 and always say sorry to him even though some guys asked me to be their gf i said no.. because im taken and i can't cheat on my bf ..💔 my bf is not rich but.. stable middle class i guess.. but idc he is ugly but i find him cute.. 💕 but i ugly.. ❤️❤️ like woah.. such a ugly human i am.. and ik im being possesive he also knows that and he is okay with it 

Hii guys hope all are doing good. So I am today here coz I am not doing that great umm.......... So actually it's about a boy whom I loved a lot and he was my buddy but he body shamed me and said that I don't have the looks for love I can be used only for sex well I already shared this here so I confronted him and it turned into an ugly fight where he blamed me and called me immature and said that I take everything so serious and he was just joking so well I said him goodbye but I know I am pathetic for this but I still care and I still feel for him but I also want to move forward with a fresh start so I apologized only for my part where I said him some harsh truth by which he was quite hurt and he just ignored so I know I did my part and now I should be at peace but I am sad which I don't want to be I am feeling very lonely and blue but I know the damage he did is deep I lost faith and hope I am scared to trust and I don't know if I did right or wrong because I hate this phase I want to feel happy and I am trying but it's hard. Please give me your suggestions

Hi!! Wish you all good days ahead. 
I don't know where to start from. Okay so I am a 10th grader. So there's this guy who was my neighbour, he had left our place long back.  He is 8 years elder to me. A week back somehow he texted me. I didn't recognize him at first but later we started talking casually about life and studies. After talking for hardly 2 days. He all of a sudden expressed his feelings to me. Being not at all interested in relationships I politely told him that I am not into all these and he should find someone better. He might have got hurted. He then told that he will wait for 4 years and will ask the question again. I didn't reply anything as this topic was too unexpected. He used to text me during his office hours. He was getting too close to me and I didn't want this closeness. I told him that he should not get too close to me and things might not happen as per his imagination. He told me that the more he talks to me the more his feelings grew. Then onwards I started behaving coldly to him. Yesterday, not able to see his replies, I don't know why I started to get negative thoughts and hence,  I texted him a lot but didn't get any reply. Today all of a sudden he asked me if I love him or not. I told him that it isn't love but I do have a concern for him. He then told that his ex has returned and he doesn't want to continue talking to me. I doubt that he is lying cause 2 days ago he had told that his ex is happily married. I didn't tell him anything. Now we aren't in touch. But I don't know why I am feeling guilty. I might have hidden my feelings from him but its just a crush and not at all love. Have I done anything wrong? Do I need to tell him anything now? 

Confusion

Today i realised that i should not be with my bf anymore cause he caused problems between me and my best friend of more than 6 years and i am never gonna forgive him for this but i need to breakup with him even though he is my world and i love him but this was the last straw now it's over between us for good 

Breakup

I Don't know what to do with my life
I want to tell what I feel right now I have feelings for 2 guys right now.
One I am in love with him from my 6th grade I don't know any one other than him now am 27 our bond was intense and strong at my 10th grade my family got to know about our relation and they are not at all happy with me and had a big fight at home and they beat me up for this(main reason is he a Muslim and am Hindu),But we continued our relation that time we don't have mobiles like now we are in different colleges for +1 and +2 and we are communicating to each other frequently so only we can see each other yearly twice and continued till our engineering and every year we got caught by my parents and I have to face humiliations , beating and emotional black mail of my parents suicide. He is very caring and loving but he has anger management issues from childhood. May be we are in relation from very young age we have lot of beautiful memories of our love as well sad. We had pressure from both families to stop this relationship. After long 12 years of Relation ship we had a breakup(I have said break up as the situation in both families is becoming worse and he loves his family a lot can't leave them to come along with me) and I have said him to move on with his life he didn't agreed but for his sake and make him to move on I was rude and bit harsh to him. I said him not to contact me. He cried and requested but I didn't agreed even I am broken and crying for him. He didn't contacted me for next 2 years and I got to know that he is moved on. I still love him from bottom of my heart.

Here comes the second one whom I met in my office and he know me from the first day of my office and he supported me through my break up and he knows everything about my firstlove. After one year of all this second guy proposed me for marriage but I said him I need time. I thought I should move on and accepted him and we are happy he is very calm and kind and takes care of me as my family is forcing for my marriage I have given the second guy details to them even now they are not happy as I have choose and I didn't gave chance to them. But I was frim and unhappliy they accepted.

Here comes the problem the first guy is waiting from me hoping that one day I will be back to him and his love is unconditional.

I have feelings for both I can't choose one and I can't cheat anyone by getting married and thinking about another one.

Mean while from last year am suffering with chronic migriane ,depression and anxeity. I am felling to commit suicide but a thought what happen to them if I commit sucide is stopping me.I feel to run away from every one.I know am the reason for all these things.Now I have no interest to work on anything no interest to talk to anyone.I don't know how to explain to my parents that i don't want to get married now.

idk what to do, I feel like I'm a bad person, my bf is not happy with me, he says it's suffocating for him, whenever I try to tell him what's wrong how am I feeling and what's hurting me he just put the blame on me that you never accept your fault you blame me for everything you show your real side during arguments you manipulate me you just say things never prove them, he believes that he's the only one putting efforts in the relationship but the thing is he did when we were not in relationship he was a complete different person when we were not in relationship he chased me and when I said yes, after few months of relationship he don't listen to me he don't let me talk or I can say let me complete what I'm saying always say that I'm wrong but I never accept that I'm wrong, and now I feel like I'm the one putting efforts only, okayy I agree I used to say that I'll leave you if you did anything wrong with me and that's because of my past, I don't trust boys but still I'm with him trying to understand him and love him the way he wants to but there comes another issue that's my past, he has problem with my past, he has a problem with my bestf even tho I don't talk to my bestf just because he don't like it, I have no friends except my bf and he also know this still he don't trust me, I don't look at any boy, I'm fully loyal to him, I was only one when things were wrong, I used to make sure he eats properly, he's okayy, I used to stay out with him late nights whenever he needed and now he says that what have you done, you just did 10% of what I have done for you and I says that's because you wanted me that time it was necessary to show efforts because you wanted me to be with you I never wanted that, and now when he knows that I'm attached to him, I can't leave him, he's saying you are 90% wrong and you will save this relationship and I'm not going to do anything this time as if he saved relationship everytime we fought, it was because I stayed there even after every fight and what he did a couple days ago, I was in a function trying to pretend that everything's alright and at night he texted me that he's done with me and with everything, I was very angry I said a lot of things so did he, but now he's offended or I can say he's upset that why I said that just after your breakup you chased me you forced me for this relationship and you say you're not this type of guy who move on to girls one after other , even tho he said much more worse things like you're always like this, you're not real, you play victim card , it's better to leave you because of your behaviour, it's very suffocating with you because you don't let me do what I want to like tf bro you do things which are not acceptable publicly you should look at your tone and your voice you cannot shout at me in public you do things which make me feel embarassed sometimes and when I say I don't like it then it's wrong, he says I'm dominating only in arguments , as if he didn't know it in the beginning he knew me very well, he was completely aware of all my red flags still chose to be with me and now all of this is  bothering him, I feel like I'm wrong everytime, he makes issues of things like when I deny to meet him just because I want to to my work and study then he'll create an issue and after sometime will say oh okay I understand and will send me reel like if she do this she don't love you, etc etc shit, and on the other side he leave my messages on seen sometimes, he makes me  feel like I'm extending the relationship, it's like he's being with me so that he can loose his attachment with me and then will leave , I'm disturbed with all this, I want to save this relationship because he's still the best guy, inspite of all the fights and arguments he give me princess treatment like fr , he understands me but not that much but still, I'm so in love with him, idk what to do, how to make him feel happy, he say that you don't keep me happy only I do , I'm not satisfied with you, and after giving him everything I had I feel like I'm not enough for him, I told my family about him, after our recent fight I cried whole night my lungs were hurting I was not able to breathe I was having panick attacks because he said he's done and I'm his enemy now,, after typing this message he deleted it , I called him I cried a lot , that night was horrible and now I'm trying to make sure he feel happy with me, trying to do whatever possible thing so that he feel okay because he said he can never move on from me and he also want to save this relationship he's trying too to forget whatever I said but it'll hurt him forever, we both want this relationship but things always get worse whenever we fight, idk what to do, i literally don't know

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