It's been 3 yrs since I sat in a dark room to think about life and relations and today I did it again. He has started affecting my emotions, which is not a good sign I think. The last time when someone influenced my emotions... I nearly lost myself. And at present I can't afford to lose myself again. 
I really don't know what to do now. Maybe I should runaway like I always do or maybe I should stick around and face the truth...but at the end of the day, I'm gonna be hurt anyway.

Frustration

So I was this heartwarming show and the protagonist who has suffered a lot of toxicity by his previous boyfriend, ends up with a psychological problem. He then further, leaves that toxic boy and was able to find someone who really cares for him and loves him for who is he. His new boyfriend is not annoyed by his constant want to be sure of everything. I just kept thinking how lucky the protagonist is to find someone like his new boyfriend (well technically his life partner 😉) who takes him in sickness and health and is so open for towards his love for him
You know I completely blame the show for raising my standards for love. On a bit more serious note, I can’t help but feel so weird and alone. My sister has had boyfriend for 7 years, my crush has a girlfriend, my way older crush has a girlfriend and is living his best life in New York, my much previous crush has a girlfriend too, and all that. 
I just can’t help but think that, don’t we all deserve good things? 
I have had very rough couple of years and I just can’t help but spit at my luck. It has not been going well - personal, social, emotional, professional, health, money wise
I don’t know, I guess this is just the way I feel













3am Thoughts

There are two of my friends one(the guy) was my bestest friend . And the other one is also closest one (the girl) the guy and i used to talk daily  and i was so close to him that he knew everything about me
I shared with him every detail of my life
Now since the both of my friends have become best friends and they have started ignoring me
The guy friend isnt interested in talking and everytime i tried to keep a contact he come up with an excuse
And the girl friend also doesnt feel like talking to me
Everyday this thought of losing my friendship bothers me and make me feel depressed lonely 
Both of them say i overreact on everything 
Am i really overreacting? Is it normal to see your friends ignoring? I dont knw pls help me with the situation it is bothering me a lot

Lonely

What will you do?

Happiness for being a gay with a guy in months or Happiness with your gf in 6yrs relationship and your child?

You know the truth since from that start that he is a gay, but still you accept that because you love him.  And he prove to you that he loved you also. 

But why he forgot you and cheat you for a guy that he meet in months. And continue cheating you for a guy. 

Is that truth that gay will choose a guy over a girl even that they already a child?

Depression

i’m feeling really conflicted and frustrated. i had this friend with benef***s and well i told him that i didn’t want to continue the relationship because i just feel bad lying to my parents all the time. my parents don’t believe in having intimate relationships before marriage and always talk about how they would be disappointed/angry if that were to happen. i feel bad going against them so i decided to end things with this guy but he didn’t take it well. he said i wasn’t allowed to and that if i decided to end it he would tell my parents everything. i don’t know what to do. i just can’t tell my parents but i don’t wanna continue this. 

Conflict

Feeling guilty 
Sometimes all I just think about is my ex though I broke up with him bcoz of my insecurities still msgd him after one month to ask if he’s ready to be friends again but he isn’t over me yet. Idk what to do about this situation it looks like we both want each other but it’ll be better to stay apart idk if it makes any sense

Breakup

Ok I'm here just to put my heart out cause I'm keeping few things within myself for a long time and I don't have anyone to share with so yes I wanna write it down here.
I love someone I dated him for like 3 months it was a ldr and he's in Armed forces so yes sometimes it was hard to get in contact with him still we managed anyhow.
One night it was the day before his birthday I was super excited, I send him gifts before that and he liked each of them..... whatever that night he told me he's in love with someone I couldn't believe that and it took me 3 months to accept that fact cause before that we had some family issues so I thought may be he wanna breakup for that reason.
Whatever our relation didn't worked out even after everything he was always humble to me talked to me whenever I called him, make me understand numerous time.
Then I felt like these things are happening cause we haven't met for quiet a long time may be things will settle if we meet and talk so I decided to travel to his place and meet him it was 1000kms away from my place but I gathered myself and I wanted to give it a last try.
Things remained same so I decided to pack up myself and live my own life I didn't wanted to feel like that anymore and I did so.
I haven't talked to him two weeks after that suddenly one evening I saw some news related to cyclone and they were about to go for the rescue operation I couldn't hold myself at that moment.... I called him it didn't connected I left a text for him and kept waiting for the reply after 5-6 hrs he texted me back at midnight....

"Don't worry, I'm safe 
You take care of yourself
 I'll be fine" 

I got back my breath and went to sleep the next day he called me after getting back from the operation and we talked for 3hrs even when he was tired.
That was the day I felt we need each other in life and we decided to be best friends.
We are still now it's going to be an year but somewhere deep seated I still feel for him and I couldn't resist myself...he broke up with his girlfriend I heard that later...
Things are good now whenever any of us feels low or need some help we calls each other.

But I think I can't love anyone else I'm so confused about everything.

It's always him.
He's my comfort zone.

Why is it soo hard to move on.... He does not care about me anymore and i am here crying over him eventhough its been 6 months since he left.. He didnt even care to give me a closure... All those things we shared meant nothing to him

Right now, my heart felt so heavy hmmm i’m in a relationship were IDK if it will work out or not. We’ve been together for 10 months now and I just felt like my efforts, the sacrifices that I am doing to him is nothing 😔 I just want a relationship that will last long, a relationshop that will love me without making me feel like I’m less of my worth/value… why is it so hard to be love and feel love😭😭 I did everything just so you know make him feel like he is one of the lucky man on earth because he have me 🥺 but rn I felt like everything is turning upside down. It breaks my heart to see that he is not tryin to make me feel at ease in every dramas that I made so that he would then realize how in pain I am. I just want to feel a sincere love why is it so hard…. 

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