Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

It was one of the working days in Diwali in 2019.I entered the office as usual and fell nervous to see all the team mates including the manager wearing eastern outfits.
“Why nobody told me? Even the guy who was absent yesterday came in Eastern attire”,I talked to myself.
My mood was off and I was not looking anywhere or at anyone but my laptop.
I heard manager taking my name , “Vinayak” I turned back thinking he wants to talk about some task.“Build baad me nikal,pehle idhar help kar”,he humilated me for my off mood instead of asking what went wrong and simply asked me to help out in Diwali lighting.

They were taking group photo,one of the team mates asked me to capture the picture I said my hands shiver and my manager cracked the joke “Comedy he” without knowing about my anxiety issue.

The team had planned to go for office outing and fun activity.Those who were not going for outing were supposed to attend office.I decided to attend office due to my anxiety issues.
The evening before going to outing the manager asked “Finally kon kon nahi aa raha he?” and one fellow pointed finger towards me.
“Dharti ka he hi nahi wo,dusre hi planet ka he.Usko chod ke aur kon nahi aa raha he bata.Jo kal office nahi aa raha he usko us din ka code mail karna padega,kaam productive hona chahiye na”, the manager again showed his harsh side with sarcasm.

I was (and I am still) among those who take ownership of work,who cares to see what may go wrong in future and make optimisation in code.
If I am (or anyone else for that instance) not interested to participate in things other than work those choices are expected to respected and not humilated.

But wait,he is my manager! Elder than me,much experienced than me and we all Indians are brought up with the culture of not back answering even if elders say whatevar they want.
Morever,he may terminate my employment for his own bad behaviour.

I ended up leaving that job without handover and without notice.I left rest of the team helpless during heated situation of release and hence my manager closed my contract instantly!

It was over! I asked myself,“What was I scared of? Why dint I respond with a NO when he told me to participate in diwali lighting? Why dint I back answer him in front of everyone when he was humilating me in front of everyone?”

Most of managers are rude…agreed…they have their own headweight…agreed…we can not back answer them when this rudeness comes with blend of office task but we should definately confront if it hits on our personal choices.
We may listen to the shouts for mistakes in work but not on choices made for out of office activities.

We all come together to get the projects done.We follow the hierarchy which is fine but if it hits your nerve you should speak out without the need to explain why at first place you made that choice.