It is not fair. It is not my goal. It is not the place I belong to. It is not my maind. It's not my iq. Its not my choice.

3am Thoughts

 Recently I lost my cat, who was my best friend.. He died a painful death..even...we can't imagine happening to us. "Curiosity kills the cat" I always used to say this but I never imagined he'd be the one living that quote. I miss him, I miss him running, I miss him biting, I miss his meowing as if he's talking to us. . He used to sleep beside me Or on top of me, Now I can't even imagine him not sleeping there.. The first day after his death everyone in fact I blamed myself.. I still do.. Only if I didn't bring him to the city and let him be at home under the supervision of our neighbors.. He might be alive.. But I had to go on and bring him with us just to see him fall from the 5th floor of a building and see him taking his last breath... My Love.. My best friend.. My cuddler.. My Toxi. He was the only companion I ever thought of as my best friend.. It's really hard.. It's the fourth day without him.. And It's dreadful. I wish, wherever he is.. He is playing with his mates he has lost in his life.. 

Loss

I`m slowly loosing all my hope. I think my cat is aleardy dead. He hasn`t returned home for 5 days. He was a neutered one year old scottish fold and as ive read about his breed,they are very sensible to ouside viruses and can easily die. I am so sad. I am sorry that i couldn`t do more for him. I am really really devasted.

Every evil has one tendency within and that's of exclusion.

Life

Day 157 of writing journal entries.

I had a good day today! Same drill as usual, anime, sleep, food, and a workout, but it was nice. Then I went to youth group and that was fun! I’ve met some really nice people there.

I overheard a strange situation at the neighbors though. I’m not sure what to think of it. In short, I heard a scream, man comes out and yells at his dog, and then drags it into the house aggressively. My thoughts are that the dog did something and then the man got wayyyy to mad at it. I hope the girl and the dog are both okay… I hear fighting from their house a lot.

Anyway, other than that scare, everything else went just fine! Hope everyone else is doing good to! ☺️

Personal Growth

I live in a house with my parents who don't understand me and show negetive emotions to who I am all the time, I am dealing with that in therapy.
But what got through everything is my cat her u judgmental meow was music to my ears! She is only one who made me want to cheer up put food pet play. We do leave out to roam about in the balcony. 
Today she escaped and returned and has been 24hrs now. 
I am so gonna crave her meow, and is going to leave me so anxious and need for empathy with not a single person to recive it from. 
I know 24hrs is too less to loose hope, but my cat in 3 years hasn't done this ever, and we tried searching for her in a decent radius around as well, and didn't find her, so odds are really not in positive sense.
My friend had a theory which said if some one feeds her fish she may choose to stay at thier place.
And I always kept thinking of getting dish and putting for her and I never did... 
I really wish I had done things differently, 
As I type this one thing I realise is I'm going to watch Grey's anatomy, that's series has helped me deal with losses, doctors have to see the losses and move on. 
This is why Journaling helps so much. 
I really don't think I should post this, too long. But I think Im just gonna wing it, Say Jai and post it. 

Pets

In the middle of the preparation for CAT. I feel so anxious and scared about achieving the target I set for myself. Wondering if even I can achieve it. Not asking anything just ranting out how I feel bcz I don’t think no one around me are going to take this seriously.

Education

September :-The dogs mating Month.

My cat died and I'm not able to control my feelings,  I'm devastated 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts