It is a long read, but if anyone wants to read it, I will be grateful.
My relationship is of 5 years and going. But the problem is I am the only one who has always been invested in our relationship. A friend of mine said that your love is one-sided. And it won’t work. You know what’s funny? He was right. My gf, who is also my ‘‘best’’ friend cheated on me thrice till now. And I keep loving her despite the fact she did cast me aside when she had someone else. And returned to me when she had none. When the first time it happened, I was so mentally broken and afraid. Some years passed in between, and I kept justifying her rude behaviors, jealousy, etc. It is not like we did not have good moments, but as I look back I can see the hidden danger signs. She just used me to flaunt in front of another classmate of ours. I can see that I was more of a trophy to her than a real person. She always pretended to love me, but in her own way where I am more of a puppet to her. I was afraid to even do many simple things. I did not notice how I was bullied sometimes. You know what, now we are in a job together. We share the same office. And slowly I am seeing that she is hiddenly jealous of me. Before the lockdown, I got a very good job offer and when I tried to consult with her, all she said is that she can’t give me any advice. I let that job go, for her. And now she taunts me that I should have taken it. My family is poor, and hers is very rich and influential. I know it is a day dream to be with her but I can’t stop loving her. And she keeps taking the chances over and over again.
I am trying to be strong, to control my emotions, to think about myself. But my heart aches thinking that all this love can’t hold someone, then what will? I do not know if I will be able to trust any other girl again. It sounds dumb and drastic. But I am in pain. So much pain. The pain of breaking trust, love and so much reliability.
If you read this, pray for me. And If you want to share, please write something.
Hi friend, I’m sorry for your situation. And I’m pretty sure that this conversation is going to be very lengthy.
First, I’m talking from the other persons perspective, I cheated on my gf too, I cant justify whatever the reasons are. I made a terrible terrible terrible mistake and I have to live with that guilt throughout my entire life.
But after all that mess is done and when I came to my senses, the love for my gf really really increased a lot.
And nobody deserves to be cheated, still u gave three chances. Based on it I can figure out in what situation you are. Maybe sometimes we may give our entire lives but still end up getting hurt. The main point is we cant force someone to be there for us, and we can’t make someone to do something.
From your situation, you did everything you could do. Now I think you have to focus on yourself. You have a very bright future my friend, dont let that ruin because of someone. I can see that u lack self love here, but first please take her down that pedestal. Start seeing her as a normal human being. Life is really really long, we dont know what surprises are waiting for you. Please try not to think that she is the one. Because she is really not the one for you. Try to sink it in. You deserve someone who is really proud of who you truly are, who can accept both your flaws and perfections, who can make you happy.
You need to stop seeing your relationship through pink tinted glasses, stop reminiscing only good memories, come to reality. Relationship should be like give and take. I can see that you are TRYING to make this relationship work. But that not how it works, eventually one day u will get exhausted and you may start hating people, not only her but anyone around you. You don’t deserve that situation right
To be continued…
Continuation to previous reply…
And when we are in love we only think through our emotional part of brain, we will skip what logical brain tells us. As a outer person I can really relate your situation. Please listen to me, it’s not going to work, u took the enough pain, now it’s time to work on yourself and to focus on yourself.
Please don’t think that u won’t be able to love someone again, it’s too early to jump to that conclusion. Once all of this is done, you will become happy again,then u will tell to yourself that you took a very great step by moving out.
If u have any particular doubts please shoot, because I can totally relate to your situation. We the people with low self esteem gives everything and start seeing ourselves very below that out partners. That should stop. I stopped that in my life. You should too.
Please don’t escape the situation instead sit and talk to yourself. If u find that difficult, let me know I will be happy to help.
You deserve this world brother,you deserve all the happiness. Take care. Will surely remember you in my prayers
Thank you for writing so much. I am trying so hard to not look at our relationship through the glasses of good times and nostalgia.
One point I should have mentioned is that in her previous relationship, she also cheated on her then boyfriend. And guess who was by her side then defending her? Me. Her first boyfriend was abusive and I thought she deserved better and supported her. After her break up, she persuaded this guy, who is an addict and he was also cheating on with his girlfriend. It did not work out. Meanwhile, I was falling for her, but was afraid to confess. She found out and asked me directly and we started seeing each other.
What I realize now is that I was merely a replacement. Also I did not have much in terms of friends. So I was not able to remove her from my mind. My love grew for her while she kept comparing me with her ex! That I do not do this, do not do that. 2 years went by, we developed our love somehow yet I never would get the same love back from her. Then she cheated on me, and that is with the same addict guy. I caught her, she apologized. And within one week, she cheated on me again. This time with a junior guy who himself is hiding out after impregnating a girl. After I discovered this, she completely cut me off. I tried to reason, to say that I am your best friend too. But she was only responding out of guilt of being caught. Eventually, this one also did not work out for her as this junior guy, all he talked about was sex and tried to control her. So, we got back together again.
For 3 years, it was completely alright. But as I mentioned in the post, I was merely a trophy for her, that she has someone to show that she is not single and is good looking and deserving.
To be continued…
As I am devastated right now after her cheating on me for the third time, I started noticing things I never bother to did. That how much selfish she can be, how rude she tends to be about people and considers them below her, that she is too egoistic. I realized she always valued her infatuation, not the love someone might offer her. I have always been honest to her, loyal. And she took it for granted. Also she indirectly made me detach myself from the few friends I had and that in a terrible way too.
I am trying to get out of the same workplace we share. I am planning to find some earth on my feet first. Then I want to reclaim my lost friends, my lost hobbies, my lost freedom. My mind is jumbled up and I am too scared what if things don’t work out. I am really trying to see her as the person she is. Not to keep her in the ideal state that was in my mind. For now, I am simply collecting evidence so I can confront her if I need to. But I think I will walk out this time. After 5 years of relation and 2 years of friendship, she still does not see my love and she will never.
I actually wanted to have a family with her. Now, I am not so sure anymore. Your comments actually helped a lot, believe me. Thank you, my friend.
I’m really glad that finally you made up your mind to move on. I hope u may get all the strength you need. Dont be afraid thinking that u may have to be alone for sometime. Its okay, u will eventually become whole person now. And try not to feel sad or anger about what happened. The reason why I’m telling you is that the more u feel sad or anger or any other feeling, they will end up living in your thoughts. It will only hurt u and don’t bring any kind of advantage.
Just try to forgive both her and yourself. By forgiving you will only liberate yourself from all the bonds. Just remember one thing, she was in the past .and u no longer will in that past. Try to convey all your thoughts and feelings and move on my friend. If you feel like u need someone to hear, there are many people outside to help you, I’m one of them.
Dont have regrets for the past and dont feel anxious about future. Just enjoy this moment and work for yourself and work on your happiness.
I don’t know how to thank you for the kind words, it has been a long time since anyone said such words to me.
I could have handled the pain a lot more better if the pandemic was not here. If I had a better job, my financial trouble would not also bother me. I am thankful that I at least have a job. And I am really looking forward to get stable in my own life. I can’t assume the future but I do not want to live in the shadows of the past love I had. It is going be a hard one, I hope I can win.