It feels like I've lost so many friends in the last few days and it feels good to be surrounded by real people. 

Relationships

i have no friends.does this depict iam boring and useless?

Friends

Morose and Guilty

Over the past few years, I've looked for emotional intimacy in relationships rather than building close friendships. I've had friendships with people but none that I've put solid effort into maintaining and growing. My most recent "relationship" with a sociopathic narcissist blew up and has made me consciously aware of how negligent I've been with my friendships. Throwing in quarantine, it's made me more aware of how few friends I actually have. I'm determined to fix this when all of this ends, but I need help processing why I've pursued this path for as long as I have.

When you start a little group, but that group starts to exclude you. The way things go I guess. 

3am Thoughts

So basically today i played a sad ticktock sound that said: ¨im sorry for making it hard to get to know me and im sorry for questioning your loyalty constantly im sorry that i do self destructive things that are scary to you and make you worry about me all the time im sorry about the little things that set me off and im sorry for overacting to seemingly insignificant things im sorry if i seem cold and distant sometimes im sorry for relying on you im sorry for talking about myself to much and im sorry for being another thing that you have to worry about im sorry for a lot of things but mostly im sorry for existing because you wouldn't have to go through any of this.¨ 

So basically i kept playing this around my friends to see if they were my true friends and so i asked one group of my friends what was in common with every single time i played the sound and it took them awhile to say that we giggled every time and i explained that i did that to show them that no matter how sad or depressed i get i will always have my true best friends there to cheer me up and there to rely on. 

Then, i tried this on another group of ¨my friends¨ and i asked them and then one of the girls actually said well i dont care why your doing this i have other things to do and so i explained why i was doing it and how it was a test and that she had failed. So im saying that friends can be fake and sneaky and have hearts as cold as stone and they will be in disguise and fool you into giving you your trust until you slowly become innocent and weak to them and then they will prey on you till your done for and theres  no hope so do this and be careful with your friends.

Depression

Why do we fake ourselves in front of someone else just to gain attention or impress, even though that is not who we are and neither we want to fake it but in the end, we fake it somehow.  Why? 

All through my life I was thinking that I have a lot of friends who will stay forever. But this year I realised that all that was lie. When I’m alone, no one’s with me. Even the people who said they would stay with me always are becoming strangers in front of me. when I befriend someone they make me feel like I’m their best friend, but soon they also leave. sometimes I feel like the problem is with me. Maybe I’m a boring person. I wish I could have someone to share everything.

Lonely

do y'all feel the need to upgrade your friendships or maybe the level of social life you have? Do y'all feel the need to make deep new connections with people?

I certainly do. 

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts