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Anonymous

** Is there anyone out there who gets so engrossed in a movie or web series that you feel it is the reality? **

Well, I am one of them who gets lost in the world of movies or web series and I can bet that all those people who feel equally, are the ones, who try to find the same world that they want at some point of time. They might be the most empathetic persons too because they are trying to put themselves in that character’s shoes and imagining them to be the one getting hurt or being loved.
Yesterday, I finished the Four More Shots Please (Season 2) in Amazon Prime Video and by now you might have already judged me that how can I watch such a horrible web series but believe me or not, when the whole world is criticizing it, maybe am the only one who loved it whole heartedly and cried after finishing it. The first reason for liking such a show is because I always imagined myself to be one of those girls who would be well accomplished by age of 25 and will have the ability to be independent both emotionally and financially in life. The second reason is to have just 2-3 friends who means a life to me, as that show portrayed. I never had dreams of being a world famous person but I just wanted few friends and some money with which I can buy a small house which will be decorated with my own creativity. Since my childhood, I had even planned my whole day schedule when I get a job and travel to different places every weekend.
So coming back to the point, all of these were shown in that series. The character with whom I could relate the most was that of Damini Rizwi Roy (Sayani Gupta), starting from her OCD to her being a Bengali, I am exact copy of that character. Actually now when I introspect am actually a combination of all four of them. I am ambitious and an OCD freak like Damini, have been body-shamed a lot like Siddhi but also a fitness freak like Umang and very argumentative and a badass like Anjana. Yup, I know it might be very confusing right, so does everyone says and that’s why I am here to find atleast one person who can see the kid in me and just love me as a friend more than anything else(Don’t mistaken me being desperate for a boyfriend but more than that I would prefer a friend at first). Okay I have this bad habit of getting distracted while writing so please bear with me.
The series surround these four lives and how they overcome their problems in every phase of life. The most amazing part of this was all the decisions that they took for every problem was exactly what I would have done if given me that problem. (Okay spoilers ahead!! Though I know no one might have watched but still…) Let me give you few examples to connect with me more. Umang and her girlfriend Samara decided to get married and as Samara is a top class actor, her life was like a reality show where for everything there will be a shoot or an interview but Umang was lot more like me, very introvert and a person who doesn’t like such fancy stuff. So what Umang does is she drops the wedding even though she loved her a lot and even I would have done or I have done the same thing too with my previous relationship (It’s another story, might write later).She just wanted a simple wedding and some time to show her love. I could feel that pain when they were portraying it. I mean I don’t know how much am able to explain you all but my heart tore apart seeing her plight. It is the most difficult thing a person has to go through when she has to leave a person because she feels that she is going to lose herself if she spends a day more with that guy. I have been through such relationship where I loved the guy whole heartedly and even he did but I felt that I am losing myself day by day and at the end I had to leave but obviously there were more reasons too.
But the only difference between I and Umang is I feel I am alone struggling in my life. I just feel there is no one with whom I can share the way those four girls used to share at the TRUCK BAR. Well if you ask why couldn’t I make friends so my answer would be I always felt I am not a part of this generation at all. Nowadays, the ones in early 20’s would like to go clubbing and discussing about some film actors or binge watch Netflix and YouTube as their pastime, but I don’t enjoy any of them. The jokes at which everyone laughs I don’t find it funny, the one in which I laugh they don’t find it funny. People tend to use me more than making me as a friend. I just wish even I had friends like that series. So what is the solution if I don’t have friends? I binge watch such web series which is about friends. I make those virtual characters as my friends and, believe me, I feel lot better after watching an episode because I feel as if I am inside that laptop screen drinking and eating with them. But yesterday I felt sad finishing that series because I felt I have lost my friends again. Yes it’s a psychological issue I feel because once a web series gets over, I cry for a week or so because I feel all those friends are gone and have left me, despite knowing that they are virtual characters. So what I do is I try finding another web series related to friends and relationships and I make them as my new friends. Honestly speaking this time I don’t want to find a new web series. I want some real friends of my own. Just because I am a single child and have been brought up in a violent environment due to my parents fighting all the time(again another story to be written later), it doesn’t mean I can stay alone like this. I always make myself busy in either studies or learning some software languages or doing some fitness stuff or making hand made cards or decorating my room or simply dancing with music on and sometimes singing so that I don’t feel this loneliness. I stress myself with so many works/hobbies that I don’t even get the idea that I don’t have anyone. But till what time a person can satisfy herself by bluffing. Even I have some expectations from my life as I told earlier, even I want to hold someone’s hand and walk in the beach or just listen to the favourite songs together or dancing all night long. Am I so bad that no one feels that I can be a good friend. Yes, now I sound desperate but I don’t know what to do. One day I might become financially independent but will that make me happy, I don’t think so because at the end when I come home I expect a person(please guys, I don’t want relationship but just a friend and it can be a boy or girl) to just ask if am Ok. Now the biggest shock I am going to give is I have a boyfriend, yes, you heard it right and that’s a story of its own. I guess the worst punishment a person can give is to feel lonely even when you are in a relationship. This is my first blog or article sharing my thoughts so if I get good response of this discussion I might write more. Hope I can get some help here.

6 replies
@agentorange

Hi Friend,

I read your article yesterday at night before sleeping. After that I went on to see the web series “Panchayat”. Abhishek, in the series was preparing his dinner and all of a sudden his phone rings. He sees a picture of his friend on Instagram partying hard with sizzling hotties and Abhishek was stuck in his small room in the village all alone having friends at all. All of a sudden time stopped for me. My heart sank and I got choked and I cried. This scene was an exact recreation of my own life 4 years back.

I am one of those rare creatures like you who get engrossed in web series or movies. For that matter I am also a guy who is an introvert and doesn’t like clubbing and partying a lot. I would rather prefer to have a group of 4-5 friends in my room, having pizza and drinks and talk our heart out. A bit of dancing together won’t harm either.

I have met many people who are like you or me. One of my close friend in college is so engrossed in F.R.I.E.N.D.S. that she literally tries to create a similar environment around her. She chooses her friend circle in such a way that all the people around resembles the characters of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. She also wants to have drinks in cafe and talk her heart out. I really love the company of this friend of mine. After our classes we go to a nearby park and sit below a tree and talk of random stuffs. At night we just hang out together in the campus and laugh out hearts out. We sit in our room, eat pizza together and watch random videos. We two have a great time together. The reason we are so close is that we are similar.

Now coming to your point. The TV/Web series that are airing these days are made after a lot of research. They focus a lot on the small details that resemble exact moments in our lives. When we see those details in the series we relate to them and become emotional. The more insecure, unhappy, unsatisfied you are with your life, the more you will be able to relate with these details. And the hangover will also be long. It happened a lot with me 4 years back when I was in a shitty job and broke up with my girlfriend. I know how exactly you feel.

But you know things turned out to be good when I left that negative space. I left my job and my girlfriend left me. It was hard at that time. I couldn’t sleep for days. I tried to keep myself busy at work but those thoughts came back and haunted me. Believe me it scared the hell out of me. It took about a year and now I have a completely different environment. I have a few friends who are somewhat similar to me. I mostly remain busy in my work. I like helping people, feeding dogs, playing guitar with my friends, painting and putting my earphones on and walking around the campus. In the evening when I get exhausted with all my work I reach out to my friends and talk to them. My life has been pretty simple and peaceful and I am really enjoying it.

I would suggest you to identify the negative influences of your life and get out of those things. In the beginning it would feel scary and you would feel like it is tearing you apart. But slowly you will find peace. JUST BE YOURSELF Always. People will like you believe me. If you want to talk in more detail do let me know.

Regards
Agent Orange

@vj1997

Hey Agent Orange,
First I would like to thank you because the first thing which made me happy is seeing ur loooooonnnggg message which i appreciate the most in a person. I feel a person who write soo much at the first attempt, it means he really listened to my story and is trying to help. So a huge repect for you and a big thank you.
I would also like to apologise because I think because of my huge message you didnt sleep at your golden hour and you watched Panchayat which made you cry.
Now you don’t have a single idea how happy I was to get this message because atlast I got some company and i don’t feel being alone. Moreover, I would wish if I could meet that friend of yours who tries to create the F.R.I.E.N.D.S. environment because it’s like a dream come true. And it means a lot when you says you have met many people who are like you and me. I wish I could meet atleast one. But atleast I think there is hope now. Well you are really lucky to have a friend like that in your life. Thank you soo much for your comment. Hope I will find someone like us soon. :)

@agentorange

I am glad that I was able to help you out. Do let me know if you want to talk of anything else. I guess we have many similar personality traits and hence I can somehow help you out with your issues. I would be glad to help you.

Regards

@vj1997

Hey Agent Orange,
Well I read one of your comments in which you wrote about the career choices so, I feel that you are soo much accomplished in your life and you are happy right? Maybe it is a misconception that when a person is happy then he/she wants to help everyone. I always feel that the ones who are accomplished must enjoy with the successful people and the ones who are failure must be be sad with other failures and that’s why I tend to lose friends (well, it’s not jealousy but a kind of disappointment to accept that what is soo great abt him/her). Many times when my friends all of a sudden become successful, I will be happy but later I curse myself that I shouldn’t have made friends with them and nowadays you might have seen most of the people tell that they didn’t study anything for exam but when results come they r victorious so how does that happen and that’s why I never believe anyone’s words. Maybe it was a very cheap example but that’s what I feel about this world now that everyone is just bluffing around me so I just don’t make new friends even and I don’t understand how others have soo many friends or maintain a friendship even after knowing that they are bluffing or maybe they bluff only in front of me. Whatever I withdraw myself from the ones who are extrovert because I feel they already have soo many friends then how does it matter if am there or not and I withdraw from those happy souls because I feel they help as they show sympathy or they try to show my problem is nothing compared to them n still they are happy. Okay I am just a messed up person so yeah I have all these stupid thoughts going everytime and to stop them I just stopped getting attached with any person.

@agentorange

Okay… You are an exact carbon copy of the way I was 5 years before. Will help you out with this for sure.

@vj1997

I just wish I will be as sorted out as you are five years later then.

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