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Is it worth it to stay with an emotionally unavailable person who isn’t just ready to make a single effort to make US work.
I feel so drained and exhausted everyday whenever I bring up the conversation about how m feeling in this relationship and I really don’t wanna give up so easily. It seems like he just can’t see things getting worse n has nothing to say or have a grown up conversation about it.
Fun part has always been nice n good from the start and we’ve been living together since 3 years. We’ve made such great memories together, been there for each other throughout. Faced career challenges, financial crises together.
We were in long distance recently for 2 months due to covid. During this time I’ve been through a lot of shit. Lost my job , didn’t get paid for my work and top of that staying with family for a long period of time almost after 5 years I realised how much I’ve grown apart from their conservative beliefs n everytime I try to talk it out with my mother or anyone it just lead to another chaos at home. All of this pushed me towards severe depression and anxiety, which I’ve been dealing with quite sometime before. Felt like fleeing away somewhere,may be back to my bf. I thought of all the people he would understand and will work together to come out of this phase.
But it isn’t same anymore…as much as I know what I want and deserve I’m feeling myself going away from him day by day, after every conversation (one-sided) somewhere I give up a little on him…even if I don’t want to.
He just stays quiet as hell when I try to make a conversation or say the least of things that I expect from him.
He isn’t ready to accept the fact that there’s always room for betterment in a person.
You can not just counter your partner with some baseless expectation(for ex- even I want a yoga routine or I wanted to start dieting you aren’t helping me either to cook nutritious food for me) P.S. I’ve been cooking for ourselves purely out of Love since start of our relationship for both of us alongwith taking care of almost everything he need n the house needs n the fact he never acknowledged what I gave to this relation is so disappointing.
Like for real, such audacity to say this to a person who is constantly struggling to get out of the bed and start her day,who’s feeling sick physically and mentally, lost appetite and what not…too little time to explain here in words.
Now that we are back together and both working from home.
About time I realised I’m the only one giving in this and no matter what I do,how much I care,how special I treat him. He just don’t see it n won’t try even.
He doesn’t even know what kinda coffee I like even after living together 24*7 for 3 years(made a cup of 3tsp sugar,milk n a pinch of coffee the other day for me).
It made me question myself why do I bother to cook the way he likes everything and not even appreciated for it.
I feel like I’m talking to someone who has no idea how to LISTEN and accept your flaws and work on it for good.
I feel sufocated n still hope to make this work.

2 Comments
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ayushi30
@ayushi30

Hey ,I can’t really tell how you feel right now because I have never stepped in your shoes. But I am very sure of one thing that you have tried your best. Over time everyone has to admit that time and feelings are the most important possessions of one’s life, and we should always use that on the right thing and person.
If you really feel that someone is not worth your time, then try taking a step back and you’ll automatically realise what is important to you. It’s just like tossing a coin, when you toss a coin you eventually realise what you want (whether it’s a heads or tails) ,your heart will tell you what you really wanted.
About your family, don’t take too much stress for that because everyone is facing the same problem, parents think we have changed and don’t value them and we think the same, its normal. Give it some time and everything will be fine.
About your bf it is totally your call, if you feel that he has changed recently and wasn’t like this before then he also might be facing some problems which you can’t guess maybe because of your own. But if you feel that he has always been this way and that you just realised it recently then there is no point living a toxic life. Move on ,it won’t be easy but it will be worth it trust me.
Just remember be true to yourself. LOVE YOURSELF because if YOU won’t do it ,you can’t expect anyone else to do that for you.

m
@matti

Hello,

Reading through your feelings and thoughts about your boyfriend was like reading words I typed myself about my ex boyfriend. It took me about two of the four years we were together for me to gather the courage and confidence to break up with him.

I felt a certain loyalty because of the situations we had been through, and time we had been together. Yet I would dream of a partner who helped me around the house, showed interest in me and my hobbies and dreams the way I did about his. I wanted an equal partnership and felt I did not have one. I felt guilt for wanting to break up with him, I thought I was obligated to work on our relationship because he had helped me through things in the past. I figured I wasn’t being affectionate enough or kind, but one day I realized I didn’t want to be. I lost attraction for him because of his lack of interest and effort toward me.

A relationship should be a partnership. If you are both not pushing each other to grow and improve, and holding each other accountable for the changes the other promises to make, you will never move on from your current position in the relationship.

The day I broke up with him, I felt immense relief. Though I cried and mourned the end of our relationship, I knew it was for the better for both of us.

Take time to imagine how you would like your life to be in ten years. Imagine him in it and pay attention to the way your body responds. If you feel anxiety, or general unrest then it isn’t right for you.

You both deserve to be with people who are dedicated to you and excited about your future together. If you do not feel he is right for you but continue to be in the relationship, you are not only making the wrong decision for you, but for him as well.

I hope you can learn from my experience to decide what is right for you. Good luck, and remember it is okay to put yourself first if you do not feel you are getting what you need.