Is it that  if we start loving someone , there is no going back... even if u know they can never bhi urs !!! Is there any way to get out of their thoughts

There is a song called Fake love. By BTS. I listened to it first during August 2018 and since then there's not a single day when I didn't listened to it. I only listened to fake love of BTS until Jan 2021 when I started stanning them. 
But. 
Am I ever getting over Fake love? No. Never. I can't. It's literally my love. I would even sell my soul for fake love. I just don't. It's so overwhelming 😭 I feel so good, loved and I don't know what when I listened to it. I LOVE FAKE LOVE. 

PS: Just wanted to share since I'm listening to fake love and being so overwhelmed. 

3am Thoughts

I didn't talk to much people yet. Sach kahu to ek se baat huyi aurr I guess he got offended by my words .
Offend hone jaisa kuch thaa nahii vese 
Maine to bas usko bola tha " katai bkc d hai re tu" :p

Wholesome

I don't have anyone to tell what I am going through, so...
Venting my failure, sorry idk why, but I feel comfortable here. 
When I was growing, I thought everyone is a good human and if they are with me they are mine, they like me etc. I was just shy to new people, not that introvert but because I heard people bitching about me were the moments I was getting teared from inside slowly, I became self conscious like how I look and I don't fit in looks and smartness etc, that moments I still remember how I felt they were like heartbreak, that moments I got the thoughts that I am not good, people don't like me, I don't belong anywhere etc and then self- hate risen up. Also, I didn't like to talk to anyone as they misunderstood me always, ofc no one understood me (still don't).
I started disliking everyone, idk for what reason but I thought they are not good in general or to me. I tried to be for people but, it was mistake always. I became a limited person, then an introvert then completely antisocial just me no one to be around, lost confidence, no self-esteem, anxiety, social anxiety, depressed and in all that I wasn't aware what's wrong with me. I was just sure I am wrong and undeserving person to be alive. Now I think I was depressed from all this years and still I am. 
So here I am a 23 year old jobless person disappointing my parents 🙂 when everyone thought I am a brilliant student coz I was a good student and had that image before I stopped talking to everyone. But this all affected my academics and now my career which didn't even started and yeah I am a Post graduate too now🙂 with no skills. A complete failure. All these years I didn't like to enjoy anything too, didn't feel connected with anything (except nature), ofc I have no friends coz of this nature everyone thought I have ego and attitude or just high standards. Lol. I couldn't express myself. Well how would I? In all the judgemental eyes. And few who weren't I was just a negative vibes person to be left. I didn't know that dude. Here when I am alone with myself now I am getting what happened, What I did and what people did. When I went college for some formality, my classmates (maybe ex friends) asked kya kar rahi hai aajkal, kaha hai? I had no answer I was feeling shame on me. Damn I just wanted to run away. 
Idk if someone is reading this, but thank you if you read it🙂🦋, have a great day!!


Failure

I'm in 12th standard and I kinda like this girl and I think she feels the same but she's in 8th standard. rip

Society

I get so happy at bare minimum. I respect every little care, and every little caring word makes my heart bloom. 
Someone who has never been taken care by someone for so many years can only understand this.

Love

I thought I'm gonna lose someone again because I confused them. He's not gonna leave anytime soon because he has no intentions to. He could see right through me. He told me he likes me five days ago and I just laugh. Now I hurt him because I'm taking everything as a harmless courtship where I can be myself and what he offered me was love. This bad habit of mine keeps making a toll in my life that everytime someone shows their affection to me, I ended up hurting them and pushing them away because it's plotted in my mind that their gonna leave. But not this one. Not again. He's good. He knows how to handle me. He respects my time. He values my space. He is willing. He is giving. He shows me that we can work everything out if we help together. I've never been so vocal with anyone because no one has the courage to but God showed His grace to me. I'm not scared of him, I feel safe. What struck me in the middle of that dramatic moment was the thought: if I will have someone, I want it to be at least like him or more than him (Denvert) and this person is 'more than' to the point that he neutralise my personality - the all or nothing. He can balance me. With him I don't pretend. With him my sighs are relief and not disappointment. This man really amaze me. He's just too good to be true. 

Boyfriend

My kids dad passed away any ideas on how to cope with my feeling

Misunderstanding

Just venting my mind here, I can't take it anymore(actually this head).


Regretsssssss, all just regrets
One is...
I got no one along with me ever, or I don't know if I distanced myself from them or people left me ignored, like I don't exist or exist to take advantage of or make fun of or idk why even I sent to this planet.
There is so much in head now, like whyyyyyyyy it just happened to me only, its a most important and the best memorable phase of eveyone's life, but not for me. Feeling what a shit life I lived and I am two person one is what my heart wants and know what is good and the completely opposite of me, my enemy mind which messed up everything and trapped me in negative overthinking loop, don't let me do the things good for me nor did. I regret everything, I did nothing in my life, trapped with wrong thinking, still I am, just realised but can't find a way to get out of this, it seems everything  is ended now. It's all finished.
And Idk how to deal with this one thing out of it, I am so antisocial or idk what. I can't talk to people like anyone. I don't feel comfortable to talk to them, so I was left always. 
**Afraid of people's judgement, got judged always** stopped talking to everyone, now just living like ghost that noone knows what I am doing, what I did these whole years, grew apart from everyone alone. 
So just became aware of my nature that I don't even talk to the classmates like literally from whole this year I am in contact with no one, when they all were somehow in touch with each other talking, sharing, playing, learning, grew together and I am here, same where I was a year ago, my college life is ending in just two days dammnnnnn, sab khatam even before starting anything, or me abhi jagi 😔. You know what people think of me now, the one who don't talk to anyone and is selfish which I am really not, I didn't called or text anyone for anything, I know koi help karta bhi nahi And wait kyu karu me baat jab meko hamesha chhod dete the tab? I was always cheerful and good to be with par hmesha ek jaise nahi hote na nahi accha lagta kuch pata nhi kyu toh tab ignore kar dene ka? or ab kyu bolu ha?🤷‍♀like why even I do ha? like why? And you people just act like it's not them it's me ha, like wow, great. I was there when I could help. Whatever wo sab thodi yaad hoga what you were doing. Only I know how I suffered when no one was really around while many around but not with me. Hate it, Is this a human life like literally what a f... Kya tha ye? I feel I was just sleeping all my life with open eyes and moving body. Kuch nahi kiya, kya memories leke rahu me ab? Or just continue live alone by myself so that no one can see my mess.
Damn it, It's my Birthday in few minutes...pata hi nhi chala kab ye date aa gyi and I am feeling hmm toh? Kuch feel hi nhi ho rha yr, kaha se kaha aa gayi me😪😴 
If you reading this till now, I appreciate you stranger for your patience!! Good day/ night🙂✨

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts