In my family, I’ve always felt like my emotional needs weren’t met. Maybe that wasn’t the case all the time, but most times it was.
My mom has been emotionally abusive and she has OCD which makes life really difficult for the ones around her. She also has narcissistic traits which make things really complicated when I try to put my emotions out there. I’m either made to feel like I’m the one wrong when I’m trying to tell her why I’m hurt or she makes herself the one who’s actually hurt and not me. That’s always been the case and it hurts a lot. Even when I cry I’m made to feel like I’m blowing things out of proportion and when she tries to find the reason for my tears and I just want to be left alone, she takes offence and starts putting me down, calling me a terrible daughter, saying all sorts of things that make things harder than they already are.
I’m coming to terms with so many things that have happened over the years and I’ve been feeling such complicated emotions.
I always wondered why she is the way she is because my grandparents were not abusive parents, slowly I realised that maybe she is like that because of her emotional needs not being met in her marriage. I don’t know! It’s just my assumption. I’m trying to justify her actions, I’m trying to understand the reasons. It’s complicated and hard.
You know, that’s what living with a narcissistic parent just does to you. YOUR problems are insignificant. And it’s never really about you. It’s always about them. How they’re feeling. How my attitude affects them. How great they are because their life is so hard.
It’s literal trauma, over many many years. And it can be so scarring I swear to God I won’t lie, it fills you up with insecurity. You’ll cry, you’ll be confused and you’ll only doubt yourself. ANd I’m so sorry but no matter what you do, you’ll never be good enough…EVER…I wish there was some magic spell that would make things okay but therapy for coping is the only thing that comes close to magic in our case. I live in this cage to this day, and I’m just waiting for the day I can move out, but until then it’s a difficult ride that has been assigned to me and you. And all we can do is deal with each day as it comes. There’s only so much emotional capacity in me to deal with all this. I wish I could tell her to go to therapy. But life is so strange, isn’t it? When things feel better, we forget the bad times. And we do this to ourselves every day. I’m sorry I started ranting about my life, and couldn’t really offer much solutions but I guess all I can do is let you know that I exist, and am here for you when the going gets tough. And I just think you should know that you’re not alone in this fight. You would be facing it all alone but you’re not the onlyone who is going through it. The future and its possibilities give me hope and courage. I can only pray for the same for you…
Thank you so much for this.
Knowing that there’s someone out there who’s going through stuff similar to me makes me feel a bit better.
All I do is pray. I pray for you too! Please take
Girl don’t worry. Maybe things will take some time but it would definitely get better if you try so. Just try and talk to her calmly or maybe don’t talk about bad things you are suffering from. Try to make good memories wuth her. Tell her that you need her and want her love and affection.
Don’t loose hope.
Hi, I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. I wanted to say I can totally understand you bc I’m living the same thing as you describe, the only difference is that my mother went through some very heavy stuff.
I think people are just like that and there can be no reason behind it. Life build up people as they are. The best for you is going to therapy and get some time away from her, a break from all that enviroment can lead to some thinking and rest for both of you u.u
I can totally understand what you are suffering from. Keep calm and everything will do in right direction as you want. Take her care. You both need support of each other. Create happy moments and enjoy them. All you want is love and affection. All the best.
The proven truth is that most of the formulas you get from people seldom work. Which does not mean there is no hope… I am not talking religion here… but a definite system to understand your situation and seeing unwanted elements coming out of it. I am ready to sit with you over a cup of tea.
I didn’t quite get you!