Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

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โš•๏ธDepression

๐Ÿง‘Anxiety

๐Ÿ˜ฐStress

๐Ÿ’—Relationships

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Anonymous

Iโ€™m the kind of person to run away every time something feels right, I have set my mind to run away from my problems for as long as my body can take it and if I can take it to my grave even better. I know what I should do, I know whatโ€™s best but Iโ€™m too weak so i chose the easiest path, to escape. Even when I know it does no good, even when I know Iโ€™m just being dumb. Iโ€™m the kind of person to ghost people and isolate myself from the world every time I get overwhelmed which happens quite often. I even went to the extent of disappearing from someoneโ€™s life for 4 years, I never explained why I left, I never bothered saying goodbye, I just did bc something in my messed up mind told me it was the best thing I could do even if deep down i knew i was making a huge mistake, I was too scared to do anything else. I get hurt very easily, certain words remain engraved in my heart for years even if i know it probably didnโ€™t mean much. Every time I get the courage to be myself I feel judged by everyone, I feel like everyone hates me. I know itโ€™s mostly just in my head but i still feel like itโ€™s true so i just tend to hide myself in order not to get hurt, i donโ€™t trust my heart to other people for the same reason either, bc im terrified of getting hurt, I also canโ€™t stand rejection.
I give up immediately after something doesnโ€™t work out, I suddenly donโ€™t want to do that ever again. I have to be the best at everything I do and if I canโ€™t be the best I just quit. I have too much pride to accept failure and things not going the way I planned so I just fake it until I make it except I never make it. I never express my feeling to the people im close to so they kind of just think Iโ€™m this emotionless heartless person that has no empathy and cares about absolutely nothing, someone who lives easily. My family and closest friends havenโ€™t seen me cry in years yet I canโ€™t recall a day I did not cry. Every day for the past 6 years approx, i have cried, every single day. Iโ€™m a coward that ruins everything, Iโ€™m selfish bc i only think about what others will think, and Iโ€™m a horrible person cuz I even gave up the most important person in my life because of it.

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