I'm scared rn but thankfully bc of a stpid reason it's 2.23 (am) rn and everyone is asleep just a moment ago a bright light flashed from the hallway it was like a second and gone I stood up and checked my sister but she was asleep now I'm scared what the hell was that 

lifeChanger!!

ik but it's an article from a popular hospital also just 3 seconds ago it happened again I hope my eyes are ok 😭

okay so by Google light strikes could happen bc of a ripped retina or some eye fluid not working right dayum I was scared of unknown things but now I'm scared for my eyes :') I hope it doesn't happen again also I'm still nervous pls someone talk to me 😭

Feeling suicidal and uneasy. Too much tension related to career and future. Heart beat racing and anxiety!

Psychology

If you get a choice to either go to your past & fix one thing or see a day from your future and change it as you please. 

What'll be your choice & why? 


3am Thoughts

I feel i am tired of living i am tired of bearing this pain since we ended our 7 year relationship after fighting for long 1 year its just 3 month and as the tym its getting harder for me handle this pain i loved her with all everything i have so does she but last year april 2020 when everything seems perfect we had that unfortunate argument which was beacuse of her miss understanding and we just didn’t able to get over it we faught every 3rd day since that happened i tried to everything us from stop fighting we were fading and it was visible our conversation are dying she stopped trusting me she was falling apart and i tried everything I wasn’t able to hold her after everything happened we finally borke up in December at first I thought this  will gonna make things better for both of us but as the time is its getting difficult everyday i don’t feel any motive of working , or taking care of me , of living i just want to end my pains i feel like just disappear 

Breakup

I decided to do something else. So anyone has any recommendations for any good C-Drama or K-Drama to watch? I would like to see please!!

Affirmations

Feeling bad.,..hating my life...all are speaking bad abt me back 😭😭

Depression

Alone

Lonely

A little brain dump for the month of july- 

My entire family fought with each other and I left the house for some fresh air. It all started because when went on this trip and I was made the incharge of expenses and i was left with some money so I gave it back to dad. And until then and after, my sister kept on asking me for money to go out and eat with friends. I was so adamant on my answer to tell her that I gave all the money back to my dad. But my mum kept on insisting me on giving ‘the money’ and all I could feel was, “damn. 
One day, they might eat me alive too if they ever find extra money on me” and my sister out of rage from the fights with her boyfriend, came at me to hit. And my parents who are so insanely blind, started yelling at me for fighting with her. They see nothing of me but always of my sister. And on the very same day, I yelled and shouted at them for never ever being involved in my life. I have to do everything on my own - got my admission done on my own, book tickets on my own, talk to teachers for feedback on my own, have to arrange my food, have to take care of them, have to take care of my grades, have to take care of how the world feels about me around me. Everything on my own. So then, they started yelling at each other after I left the house and I hear my mom calling my sister in a breathless voice as if she was having a heart attack. We ran back home, and I saw my mom on the ground in sweat, crying, breathing heavy, and in a panic state. My heart dropped but I had to keep it all aside because I had to treat her with a calm and solved mind. I got her back to normal and the father started crying too. It was such a mess. My sister was crying on my shoulder after writing such horrible messages to me. I automatically took her place and became the big sister in the family (because I am the younger one) I calmed her, mom and dad down but it was a blizzard inside me. Nobody calmed me down. Again, I had to do it all over again by myself. Everyone has someone for them. For my sister it’s her boyfriend, for my parents it’s each other. It’s like all my desperate please are going unheard. So then my dad decided to go for de-addiction, we could not have been more proud. Turns out, he drank a bottle of cough syrup instead and we were all shattered. I was 400 km away and my mum and dad were fighting and I felt so helpless. So then mum and dad come home and it’s the same old shit. Drinking, fighting, yelling, hurling abuses. While they were 400 km away, the day my mum called us to tell that our dad gulped down a cough syrup bottle, was the same morning, I received my boards result. I also got the news that they were coming home the very same evening and my dad was intoxicated again after coming back from de-addiction. So yeah about the results- I was dead serious that I would flunk this time and would have to repeat the year because again, my dad and my mum made the house unbearable to live in. So then, I was really happy with my results. But yet again, I wasn’t congratulated by them. My father was so drunk that he didn’t even open the pdf. He didn’t even congratulate me. My mom did that out of formality. I was so hurt. My relatives congratulated me, my friends’ parents’ congratulated me. My teacher congratulated me. But not a single call or a message from my parents. My bua made me feel like shit, by telling others that I scored >90%
So then, Later in july, one of closest friends left for het college in US And it will probably be the very last time I’ll ever see her again. I was so sad because my friend group who I really loved will be going away. That Friend group kept me sane for so long. And then I fought with one of my closest friends. I tried to push all the hurtful things aside and asked her to end things with me on good terms but she refused and said I used her and not to throw myself a pity party. She also said that she will not be there for me when I need, because she felt like I wasn’t there for her. I never even knew she was going through that. Suddenly, her 2 year old friend group became more important than our 13 year old friendship. I was so sad. 
So today was my sister’s birthday and i took her out, bought her gifts, kept a cheery face on and all that. She had a rough time this month. It may sound like a little thing but when we cut the cake, it was her boyfriend who got to eat it first and then me. And even he was resistant to my sister’s actions, but she acted so innocent and I was so hurt but I couldn’t say anything. Because it was her birthday. I was so hurt because even before then, she has chosen him over me. I even solved their relationship problems but she only uses to have her curfew extended. She uses me so that she can hang out with her boyfriend and formally make me a part of her little group. And she and him make me so uncomfortable by texting each other when I am with them, doing nasty shit 
I am just so tired. I don’t even have tears to cry.
Oh and my exam went horribly. I deeply regret not studying well for it and it makes me want to question my existence 
This dump was a long one. But oh well 






















Can you share a song lyrics that you wrote? 

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts