I'm scared about whether or not this will last. Don't know whether I should give it my all. 

Relationships

How to have real people and have some deep conversations? How to meet with people who share similar thoughts as mine, our vibes match no adjustments involved just real us and be organic? I know these are all silly questions but somehow I wanted to ask this as I cannot find the answers myself. I don't know it's just hard luck or my fate I have so many people yet none to be called mine like I am the most important person for them not just when they are in need. All the help, loyalty and truthfulness is solely from my side and I don't receive any from them back. The moment I start to think okay wow I have made some really good friends... That's the moment something or th other happens and I get upset like in my heart. The other person doesn't even realise that it can even hurt or upset me. I also hate myself for getting hurt repeatedly yet showing the world nothing happened...Just don't know how to express my grief as I am afraid to lose the people I have and overshare. Always put up a smile whenever I leave the house, it is both my power and weakness in a way. Deep down it feels lonely but somehow life goes on....I don't wish to continue this forever with whoever I meet in the future. I just hope I get to meet the real people with whom there is nothing pretentious only real talk heart to heart.

3am Thoughts

dont give anyone the authority to devastate you.

**Life's like a photoshoot 
You don't know when you'll get the best click**!! Hang on as you surely will😉

Self Love

Do you live in guilt? That your state affects your nearby people, and you react in a way you don't want to... frustrated, irritated..

Anxiety

 ok umm so is it weird that I wanna feel pain even tho I have a perfectly good life? My parents are good ig.. my dad does have a bit of anger issue.. I’m kinda scared of him tbh.. he does sometimes lose control and says (Example) “ what does that fucking mean!” I wanna get bullied or something bad to happen to me .. I even cut myself to feel something but it didn’t work I was trying to cut myself everyday but I eventually forgot about it.. I always push away people that are dear to me.. I really don’t mean to but I just can’t help it... and sometimes I try to not to eat like I don’t breakfast and don’t eat lunch but then eat a snack and I get so mad at myself that I ate.. and even if I am angry I can’t express it I start tearing up when someone shouts at me and it’s so hard for me to shout at someone.. I have so many insecurities and my parents made me tell some of them I started tearing up... I told them one of mine.. my weight.. they said I wasn’t even that big and just had to go out run.. I also told them I don’t want to go out cause it’s embarrassing .. it’s like everyone’s watching me .. every second, everything I do... and I’ve tried to give some clues to my friends that I fell this but I just can’t, when they start getting it’s I just say No no it’s nothing like that I’m fine.... I feel like I just don’t fit in... my grades have gone down to.. I’m starting to forget a lot of things ... I hate myself... 


Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts