I’m out of balance.
My late husband was my best friend. He has been gone for almost 7 years. That friendship and love of ‘willing the good of another’, where I knew in our encounters, he will put my best interest in all his advices and cares before his own. Yes, I had the good fortune of marrying an amazing human being.
I’ve not had anyone who loves me that way ever since. The roles of being a mother, daughter, sister, provider, and so many more is wearing me down. This covid19 has turn my livelihood upside down. That is a major trigger of imbalance.
Even when friends are kind, I feel that my life responsibilities are mine to bare. There are no breaks and I feel that I’m aging before my time. I don’t get to be weak or just have fun. I don’t think I’m coping emotionally. I cannot identify this cocktail of emotions.
I really miss being loved. That safe place of mutual trust. Now I just exist. It has been a long time since I laugh in my carefree nature. I miss me. I’m not sure I like the new me.
Anyway, I’m just penning down my downs. Wishing I had less of these negative feelings. It’s difficult to be happy when one is struggling. I wish I am not so understanding too. Too good a listener to others. I use to have him pull me back when the world’s demands were too much and I bite off more than I could chew. He knew when I needed my rest before I go out there again. My emotional safety net is missing. I don’t seem to be able to get my mojo back.
I’m tired but I can’t seem to rest.
I think I’m kind of lost.
I just posted mine awhile ago, and we have the same thoughts. i kept on thinking maybe we have exhausted ourselves so much that our love tanks became empty. I wish for you and for myself as well, that we find our purpose, that we learn how to love ourselves, that we learn how to be selfish for our well being.
May you learn and master self love.
I am much younger to you, but the one thing I can agree is that being too understanding can harm you in many ways. You tend to help others in every possible way without letting them know, we put their feelings first than ours, we care too much, and even if we don’t expect the same we hope for it or atleast half of that.
We are in this together, and I believe that is a plus point being so understanding and God is there to see all that and we’ll surely get our share in an unexpected manner. :)
Also, with whatever you are going through, its a phase and this pandemic has certainly triggered all our emotions but it will also help us to deal with it and make ourselves stronger to control them.
thank you for your words of encouragements.
Happy to help!
Thank You :)