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Profile picture for Now&Me member @ellarush13
@ellarush13

I’m not sure if I should tell my friend (also my ex) who I’ve been having sexual relations with (although not vaginal sex) that I’ve been in love with them for the past 5 months. He broke up with me on New Year’s Eve after only two weeks of dating, and after the breakup, I realized how much I was in love with him. He broke up with me because this girl he had supposedly fallen in love with over the summer was saying she missed him and he realized he was still in love with her and said it would be cruel to be with me while he’s in love with another girl. So he dumped me. All I responded with to the breakup text was “okay. I hope you have a good New Year.” It got pretty bad, but I never sent him an i-miss-you text or anything. I just struggled silently with the pain. But about three weeks ago I texted him to ask for a meme that he’d sent me when we were dating, and that was a turning point for us. I got curious and asked him if he ever went back to that girl that he was in love with (he said he wasn’t going to go back to her in the breakup text, I didn’t believe him), and he said no. He also said breaking up with me over her was the biggest regret relationship-wise he’s made, and that he was a lot happier with me. He also began to recollect the memory of when we would make out in the backseat of his truck before school in the mornings. We had planned to go a bit further than making out before he dumped me, but that never happened, for obvious reasons. He said he felt like we both missed out (we did, he definitely did) and suggested that we could do that again if I wanted to. Now, this was a lose-lose situation for me. On one hand, if I said no, I would be missing out on something that I had been daydreaming about for months. I would miss an opportunity to be close to him again, to kiss him again, and have my body pressed against him. But if I said yes, I knew that he wouldn’t feel the same about me as I do him. But I said yes. Although I would still be in pain, at least I would get to kiss him again and be near him. So for the past two weeks, we’ve been meeting up a couple of times in the morning and have been stripping down to our socks, yk. And I enjoy it, I do. But with summer coming up, we won’t really see each other, so this week, we’ll be having our last “session.” I really want to tell him that I’m in love with him and have been for the past 5 months. My feelings have nothing to do with our recent encounter, as I had acknowledged them long ago, during the break-up. But I’m worried that if I tell him, he’ll be guilty that I felt that way all the time, whereas he doesn’t feel the same. I’m also terrified that this will damage what friendship we have left (we do talk just as friends and joke around with each other too, it’s not an exclusively sexual relationship) and that when we see each other next year, he will avoid me like the plague. I don’t want to ruin the foundation of our relationship next year, and I’m hoping that maybe next school year we can continue what we’re doing, because I just want to be as close to him as I can get, even if he’ll never feel for me the way he used to. But I’ve had 5 months of emotions boiling in my chest that I want him to know. I want to spill it all and have him know how I feel and explain why I said yes to seeing each other in the mornings. I’m not sure what to do. I’m scared and conflicted.

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Profile picture for Now&Me member @ellarush13
3 replies
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Anonymous

Tell him, you know maybe you can’t imagine life without him know but it’s possible and way more healthier. If he doesn’t feel the same way and decide to act weird it’s not worth all the pain. You deserve to feel love and secure.

Profile picture for Now&Me member @ellarush13
@ellarush13

Thank you so much. I wrote and printed a letter that I’m going to hand him right after confess.

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Anonymous

Great idea!, wish you luck💖

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