I’m not okay. I think I haven’t been for a while. I grew up in a family where my parents were not fit for each other but they still continued that toxicity. My father used to swear at my mom. I once saw him raise his hand on her too, haven’t been able to tell anyone out of embarassment.
I dated a guy for a long time, he was insecure and abusive to me. He had mental issues too, that’s why I stuck around. I had to break up because he was suffocating me (tracked my location, hacked my WhatsApp). I feel guilty of leaving him in that mental state.
6 months later, I was almost engaged to a guy (arranged). But it didn’t work out because our parents had a huge miscommunication.
I have been feeling like I do not deserve an ounce of happiness. All my life I have been chasing peace for me and my mother but the closer I get to it, bigger a mishap takes place.
I recently found out my father has been cursing her again and it is giving me sleepless nights. I stay up and keep going to their room to check on my mom to see if she’s safe. This is madness. I cannot help it. I’m shaking and crying and I don’t know what to do. Sometimes it feels it’s my karma of leaving my boyfriend. But I’m tired. I need rest.
If you do break up for your mental peace then its not karma. I know times are hard but take care of yourself.Being calm about everything allows your mind to find solutions. Calmness is also a state of trust.Instead of overthinking and procastinating you just surrender for that moment and allow yourself to receive guidance for what doesn’t make sense
