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Anonymous

im just really confused. There’s alot going on rn. I failed in one my subjects at college and i havent told anyone about it yet (gave it for re-evaluation). As if tht wasnt stressing me out enough i always feel like im not doing enough at my internship although i love working there but im just so stressed with everything. They have offered me a job but if i dont recover from that exam which i failed, im afraid ill loose the opportunity. On top of tht im going through a relationship crisis. I’ve always wanted to be in a relationship but now that i am in one and have been in for 3 years, now im not sure if this is what i want. I love him but i’d rather just be married and settled than going through all the ups and downs of the relationship. Im a muslim and have many restrictions (my parents know about him which makes me even more cautious about not doing anything to hurt them). Im just overwhelmed at the moment.

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10 replies

Phoenix @mdaarizamaan

why dont you take a deep breath , and then write down all of your problems ,.you , then write which problems is permanent ,and which isnt .,. i’m a muslim too, just the difference is you are a girl i’m a boy .at the moment take a step back think; what has been done is DONE , what can YOU do now " align YOUR parents happiness to your happiness, making decision in hast will always lead you to regrets, one gets confused when she is overwhelemed with things/problems ,solve one problem at a time ,.and always try to keep full trust and hope in allah !
allah hafiz

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Anonymous

im just think about getting out of the relationship and trusting allah tht if we are meant to be then itll be so. Idk wanna fight and cause misunderstandings cuz of the distance. If you are a muslim, you know the boundaries we need to put inorder to maintain the relationship as halal. I avoid alot of conversations and sometimes he does respect tht but sometimes we’d fight. Im just lost. My parents accept him and everything and are waiting for him to send in a proposal which will probably not happen soon. Idk if its fair for him if i just leave and it might be my biggest mistake. I dont want him to think i left him when he needed me to just stay and have patience. Ive had this conversation with him previously too but it never ended well. We would get back together and then later on we’d fight and all these thoughts rush back to me.

Phoenix @mdaarizamaan

1st you must stop blaming all of this onto you, he is also partly responsible, yeaa i too agree as a muslim one must set boundaires and respect those boundaires you are depending on him way more than you should i mean ,just a thought , what if he is not ready to marry you , you will be left alone right , so its better to just ask him. is he down to marry you , no matter the circumstances , now or later , . ask him , may i ask . not to offend you, what have you seen him that made you think you should marry him , if you realy want to marry him , ask your parents(supportive , mashallah) to talk to his parents , everything will be clear then .what i would suggest is YOU talk to him 1st . tell him “just HEAR you out” ,ask him everything ,whatever its in your mind,be clear cuz its about life dont let him mess it yours.once you are relieved with big problem inshallah every other problem will be solved,
tho i m just a teen , if i’ve anything incorret sorry,.

Phoenix @mdaarizamaan

last line-said*

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Anonymous

Hey, sorry about the long paragraph ahead, you really dont have to read it…im feeling a bit better anyways) He is serious and i know that cuz i’ve basically spoke to his entire family and relatives by now (exceptttt his dad who im not sure if he knows). He even came over, met my parents with his sister (unofficially). He has a great bond with my mum too. I spoke with his mum twice but she passed away last ramadan. This conversation is too soon and insensitive for me to even say i just wanna be married and not bullshit around in a relationship. The only thing im worried about is my parents dont even know tht he doesnt even have a degree yet. Which ik is gonna fall on my head tht oh shud have known better. But ik he has dreams and im sure he’ll make a great life. Honestly thts not what im worried about cuz tbh thats all secondary. Im just worried about our fights. Ik our fights could be petty sometimes but they tend to extend into broader fights where anything said really leaves a mark. Im afraid tht over time we will end up just hating each other for it. The recent fight we had was cuz we havent had a proper conversation in a very long time. Everytime i try to talk to him, im always interupted cuz either someone calls or he has to leave which is starting to annoying over time. He seems to have perfect time for everyone else. When he leaves he just seems to be lost in his own world. He’d be gone for hours without any notice or reply. Later he’d come and justify why he wasnt there and im magically supposed to be okay. Later on he just continued to ignore me whch made me more furious. And then he said i was ignoring cuz i didnt want to fight. It always seems so hard to have a conversation with him with clear thoughts and feelings without it turning upside down. Its always so easy with my friends, we never fight. But with him, idk how i just feel so misunderstood and he’d just think im blaming him. How could he just assume tht ill fight. I told him ntg concerns me now but im worried about my future. Give me nothing, idc if he’s unemployed but atleast i wanna know tht we have an understanding. Is he gonna treat me the same when im married to him. Will he just walk away and ignore cuz i might fight? Im not even a possessive gf, i just want there to be clear communication. Idc if u dont talk to me everyday, but the 10 minutes tht we do, id like to have your attention. He hasnt texted me back in 3 days now. Should i consider it over? My parents are involved, my mum dodging every rishta that comes in my way cuz they know we are serious. But he cant marry me now until his two elder siblings do so. How long will my parents wait? Im also sometimes afraid tht he’s too comfortable in our relationship and wouldnt challenge himself to rise above and make a life of his own. Maybe if i left, he’ll take it all seriously and finally work towards his dreams. i just wanna tell him, hey can we both just focus on our lives (i have my own career to build as well) and then maybe com together when we both know we can really be together instead of this. Just wanna leave everything in the hands of Allah that, inshallah if we are meant to be, then we will be, but when the time is right. (When i told him this before, he said, he wouldnt know if he’ll be ready). I can only imagine him blaming me for leaving and quitting. Ik for a fact, tht soon his cousin or someone will text me concerned tht they wht happened we met him and he was okay and then ill say everything all over and no one is really gonna understand where this is all coming from and ill probably start talking to him again. but the problem is never resolved. its just this never ending loop of the same thing tht im facing everytime. We fight, we dont talk to each other, i question where this relationship is going and if its even right for me, then someone intervenes, we make up, and then become normal until we fight again.

Phoenix @mdaarizamaan

just to be clear does HE wants to marry you? and also from what i see is you are giving him more power/control over your life as well as your parents i means the result/conclusion should come from both sides at the same time. giving him the power to choose ., dosent feel good to me,khudanakhasta it might get worst in future giving him the option to control the conclusion, think about to, i think i’ve gone too far not without knowing the background story,again sorry! but i whatever i said i mean it.

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Anonymous

No no, please dont apologize. I guess it was a perspective i needed to see this from and thank you for bringing tht to my attention. Ill think about it. I really appreciate you hearing me out. Thank you so much! It really means alot.

Phoenix @mdaarizamaan

If you need anything I’ll be here to lend my ear anytime. ☺

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