I’m just on the edge right now. School is exhausting, friends asking me to help them out with their problems even tho I have my own to deal with, my mental health going down every day, every minute and every second. This is just to much to think about. Why am I feeling like shit? I’m sure more than a thousand people would kill to have my life right now because they have it so much more difficult, but why do I still feel like this? Why doesn’t it go away? I shouldn’t be complaining right? My life is probably a lot better than other so why do I still feel like I’m at the bottom of the world?
Why do I still feel as if I’m going to fall to the ground any second and just break down crying? Hurting, cutting and screaming hasn’t been the same anymore. Now it’s just a distraction, just a few seconds of that feeling I try to grab onto, I just try to swim back to the surface without any hope. I’m just lost in this state of mind, where everything is black.
-“Look at that pretty girl”
-“Aw look at that baby”
-“That car looks expensive”
-“Your dreams will come true”
-“I love you”
-I mean really? All I can think about is that pretty girl… she has the perfect body. No fat, good thighs, well shaped face and beautiful hair. I don’t have any of that, so who would want me anyway?
-That baby? It’ll grow old and die anyway, I don’t see the point in trying to make a new living being if it’s going to die someday.
-That car? It’ll probably kill someone one day.
-My dreams? I wish I were fucking dead. You still think it’ll come true?
-You love me? No, you don’t. You show it to me, you tell me you love me, you prove it to me. But yet, in the back on my mind I don’t feel loved. I feel as if I’m bothering you with my presence, I feel as if I’m just dust on your shoulder that you’ll brush off one day. I feel as if I’m nothing to you.
All of that, it’s just because of that stupid little voice in my head. Changing reality to my worst nightmares. Why can’t it just stop? I’m tired of living like this, I’m tired of fighting for my life every day and I’m tired of having to fake a fucking smile. Why… why can’t it just go away. All I’m asking is to be left alone… All I’m asking is to be understood. That’s it. But no, that’s to much to ask for. Everything I ask for is to much right?
GOD DAMNIT! JUST HEAR ME! HEAR ME CRYING OUT FOR HELP… HEAR ME SCREAMING TO BE FREED FROM THIS STATE OF MIND THAT TRAPS ME IN A DARK PLACE… A PLACE I WANT TO LEAVE! PLEASE?! JUST… just listen… just be there for me when I need it the most. I know it’s hard but I’m just tired. I feel myself slowly losing my own life, I fear the day I’m going to commit. But at the same time, I’m happy. So please, help me. I’m mentally drained and physically done.
Ok, talking can do wonders in any mental health issues you are facing rn. Talk to any friend, family or partner. There is always someone here to talk to if want.
I can’t. Every single person I talk to says I’m overreacting, or ignores me afterwards.
Yeah, same here. Whenever i try to explain abt my mental health issues, people think the same, because they simply can’t understand. Only ones who have suffered can understand, thats why we are all here
Yeah. But hey, If you need someone to talk to someone I’m here!
Not sure what to say
But hey there need some motivation then hit me up
Thank you, it means a lot.
Aakifah @kifah
It’s like someone wrote down my thoughts
I’m sorry to hear that, it’s really hard to go through this and I’m here if you need to talk. I hope you get better and will be able to find yourself in a happier place soon.
