I'm in my final year of my college, I am pursuing BTech after next 2 months campus placement is going to start and I'm very much stressed up because I am having education loan . I am  getting bad thoughts what if I didn't get any job , what will happen getting too much negative thoughts

Disorders

I just turned 18, i had no party because of exams (though I've never celebrated my birthday ever)
and i see people of my age or younger than me on ig
chilling, going abroad , partying, drinking, going out having relationships and enjoying their life like a normal person does
and I'm here in a toxicc household between a pile of books and studying for competitive exams
life really sucks 
sometimes I'm like, why me?
i hate my life

Life

Anyone interested in making connections?

Friends

I need someone to talk now. I always kept isolating myself and was emotionally distant but I know now the that I need friends but I have one two frds but when ever I talk to them they just keep asking for advices or they keep telling me about their sad life.. I have always been the one listening  no one listens to me 

Anyone from Madhay Pradesh 

3am Thoughts

*Don't let anyone full your sparkle*

Motivation

Just need a long break from everything 

In my dream, I was sent to a boarding school. There were so many people with me, but I felt lonely, anxious and scared. I realise, even my nights are not peaceful.😑

Mental Health

Well i feel like crying but for what i want to pursue my dreams but i don't know what am doing now giving false assumptions to me and my dreams 
So when i was in high school i always wanted to  do business my own ,my own business .
After finally deciding and dumping commerce i took on non medical in +1 where i thought it would be good to be science student after all non medical/science student are overall the best well may be not but i thought its good if someday i need to move business i can with specialization in any particular field and starting it all. During the time when most part of the students focus on jee i was not to sure about it i was always bit insecure what if i fail adding to ego i was adamant that i will not take coaching/tuitions for my whole left life as i was all fed up with it taking tuitions from UKG to 5th getting on self study from 6th.
Our school was extremely strict but it was of my choice i decided that i was on it and i was dedicated as i need to pass +2 at any cost . We need to move away to another school after 10th and i  chose to stay away from my friends(bunch of so called thinking themselves as cool teens and richer riches which they were too but not a middle class family like mine can afford) so went for school where no one went from my friends so i would be focusing on my studies all and start all over again in +1 which i do and had amazing memories and joy of life in those two years and can be consider best of all school then my previous years and that was i think the best decision of my life. J made friends great all , no boundaries regarding who is rich/wealthy/caste/religion. Our +2ended and i ranked 1st in my city in all streams the final time i felt proud on myself. I wanted to go abroad to study afterwards no matter which course i know i will give my best then again world is struck by pandemic and as covid comes and my mother was already against to me going abroad and seems to dislike me going away from her git a stronger point to reject what if i lost my precision year. Seeming that i may not be like this i was struck i want to be independent earning but then i was forced to give jee after result i got seat in some branch but i wanted cse then again i was forced to take admission in private university. I was preparing jee advance i went o my school then my principal told my mom to not take admission in that school and give her reference to university in other region where my mums sister was staying bit my father was good with previous university then because of jee mains and advance schedule i was lacking in syllabus complete by the university i had joined major part of portion was missed  i decided to change batch but authorities rejected. My syllabus was really not completed along with assignment that could lead my scholarship to drop and my semester fees was 109000 i thought this cant continue i decided to go with my mom pesting and go to university referred by my principals thinking i need to get admission so it dont matter wherever i get i need ti study myself after all. 20000 admission fees paid to earlier university was not refunded as date for applying for refund for tuition fees was passed along with that university cant even give hostel back as they said if i am leaving university it wont. 1 year i m in my new university all fine i am studying still my mind goes to going abroad studying there. Today i got to know my many friends reached Canada and i grew sad again what if .....
I am doing studies still if feels ... i want that .... my subconscious mind is rejecting this i seem to drift apart 
I had exams Nd abruptly one of my online exam ends landed me in huge trouble just as i was speaking in my native language reading my question to solve (it was a numerical and i was 
Checking values  )and my exam was abruptly ended huge case after meeting online again and again  my 50% scholarship is now threatened maybe after 1 year it will not continue further ....causing me a lose of 260000 lose its a great amount as i m unemployed university student .....i dont know what how ..
On

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