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@meera

I’m in a state of dilemma where I’m completely blank and don’t know what should be done…NEED HELP!!!

My boyfriend and I are in a relationship from last 1 year but we know each other from last 4 years so first 3 years were like friends with benefits and no commitments. In that time period both of us had sexual relationships with other boys n girls and I had more relationships than him but we never ever told anything to each other, yet we were happy together and also had some emotional attachment coz I was always there for him in every ups n downs.

In those years we were emotionally and physically got connected to each other but we weren’t accepting the fact that we are falling for each other…one day he seriously asked about it and I said yes, we got committed.

After that he always asked me about my past but there were so many things that I couldn’t tell him about it, I just told him few casual things…days passed months passed he came to knew something about my past and slowly slowly in few months he came to know everything about my past and everytime he got to know about my past I didn’t only apologize about it… I did everything I could (I told my mom everything about us, I made tattoo of his n my name on my wrist then another tattoo of his name on my finger then his portrait tattoo on my chest, not only this I gave my everything to him I made him my priority over anything, I left my friends cousins family everything, my parents weren’t important for me more than him, I even drank his piss to prove him that I love him more than anything, I treated him like my child, and many more things) this is what I did to rectify my mistakes and to prove my love to make him trust me…

He may sound wrong now but he wasn’t coz he too loved me more than anything after knowing such horrible past of mine he accepted me and gave me chances to prove myself…he gave me alot of respect, love, loyalty n everything that a girl needs (he use to massage my legs when I’m tired, he use to give me pills and pamper me when I’m ill, he left everything for me, he is so obsessed with me that he doesn’t even see any girl, he use to dance for me, he use to write poems n shayaris for me, he treated me like his mom, he accepted me in every way whether I was dominating him or irritate him) he is very sweet to me…

Now the main thing is… after all this he knew 70% of my past 30% was still remaining but I was afraid to tell him coz I never wanted to hurt him and during this lockdown he got to know that too and many things happened between us, also we faced some family issues coz now our families knows everything and they’re not ready to accept us…on the other hand he wants me to heal him and bring his trust back I’m really really very confused whether I should try to bring his trust back or I should just let him go…coz I think I have ruined everything due to my horrible past and I have already hurt him alot I don’t deserve his love but he is in terrible pain, heart break, depressed coz of me

He don’t even have friends family or anyone to support him to console him, he’s all alone…he always had me and only me. And I can’t leave him like this I love him alot but I have already proved myself many a times then why again n again I have to prove him that I truly love him

I really don’t know what to do… please suggest me whether I should heal him coz it’s my fault or I shouldn’t prove myself coz I have already did before… PLEASE HELP!!!

Profile picture for Now&Me member @daytripper
3 replies
Profile picture for Now&Me member @daytripper

Daytripper @daytripper

Dear Meera,
From everything you have written, it can be said that you really wanted to connect with him and care for him now. It is a difficult situation to handle when you had past relationships and are afraid to tell your partner now. First thing, don’t be ashamed of your past relations. It was as it was. You tried to experience your life. You are currently with him and if he also loves you so much as you said, then he will care for you nonetheless. From my own perspective, I think that he just wants to listen it all from you, not from anyone else. Don’t be ashamed, tell him everything, ask him what he heard, correct the wrong information, and fill the gaps. This lock down has been affecting a lot and don’t break down now. Families never understand a lot of things at the first glance. So, don’t worry about them right now. For now, have an honest and direct conversation with him. You said he is lonely and loves you, I believe he will still love you despite everything. Just don’t let him go. Because I can see that you yourself are divided between your own psyche. You are a brave person. Give it a chance, try for both of you.
I wish you luck.

@meera

Thank you so much for such response it helped me alot and I’m really feeling so lonely that I’m sharing my story here and asking for suggestion coz in my life I don’t have anybody to share my feelings… I just have him and right now I can’t share anything with him

Well as u said fill the gaps and correct wrong information, I have already did that but he don’t trust me…he loves me he still loves me alot he is literally begging me to love him back and make him trust me

Now I’m being honest with him but I just don’t feel that same connection which we had…do I push myself harder to earn him back???

Profile picture for Now&Me member @daytripper

Daytripper @daytripper

If he knows everything, heard it from you and still is pushing you for making you believe him; then it is really hard. Because you can be honest and straight forward with him and he may still not believe you. You don’t have to push any harder. And if you think that the connection is lost, then the decision is upto you. You will have to make a choice for both of you. Love is a wonderful thing, but continuous effort to make someone trust you is too tiring.

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