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@dgmcc71

I’m feeling so insecure. My husband had a emotional affair about 2 1/2 years ago. Now I found out he had a physical affair about a week ago. These are with 2 different people. I found out about it because the other person found me on Facebook and sent me the text messages between them. He said he loves me and doesn’t want to leave me. However my self esteem is shattered. I feel betrayed, hurt, disrespected, and alone all at the same time. Any advice would be appreciated and helpful. Thank u.

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snktmore
@snktmore

I understand, it must be difficult for you to digest. However, have you talked with your husband in this regard? What are his reasons for betraying you? How did he react? Whatever his reasons are betraying you cannot be justified. You need to discuss how you wish to take this relationship now. If you have kids you need to be very careful.

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@dgmcc71

We had a long conversation. His reasoning was he was under a lot of stress at work (I know this to be true, but its still no excuse) and I haven’t been as attentive. And no I haven’t been. Part of the reason is because he treated me more like a friend. No romance, little sweet nothings, no little sly smiles, u know what I mean. Like I told him if you spoke to me in the same manner u spoke to her I would definitely be more attentive. I like those things too. He did end the relationship before I found out. He told me this and so did she. As a matter of fact contacting me was her revenge on him. He said he ended it because he realized he was making a mistake and wants to be with me. Yes we have a child who’s starting their senior year this fall. However I am so hurt and betrayed. I’m having a hard time coming to terms with the shock that he could do this to me.

snktmore
@snktmore

You need time to recover but in my fair opinion don’t lose hope on him. If he really feels guilty of his actions,you give him a fair chance.

I also understand his friend in all her capacity tried to hurt & cause maximum damage. But even, she did what she thought was best to make her feel better. Which was obviously wrong and unjustified.

My point is people make mistakes, if they learn from their mistake,they should be considered once. If hey repeat same mistake; they are not worthy of your forgiveness & emotional support.

I’m not sure how much sense my advice will make now as you are not in a condition to understand it. But take your time to heal and try to find, if he really meant/means to stay with you and feel guilty of his actions. Also, what can he do to regain your trust.

Sometimes forgiving others is the best thing we can do to heal ourselves.

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@dgmcc71

Your correct. Everyone makes mistakes and we aren’t all perfect. He has been trying to be more kind. He sends me little sweet messages through out the day when hes at work. He has been trying to be better I can tell. It’s just I’m so hurt and I dont trust him. However I do feel the feelings are still there on both sides.

snktmore
@snktmore

That’s a positive sign. Broken trust takes time to rebuild. But, if you and your partner can overcome this hurdle then there is no looking back. Just be cautious of his actions and let go one feeling at a time.

I’m certain both of you are on right track. Parting is easy the real challenge is to maintain the bond. Keep posting!!

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@dgmcc71

Thank you so much. I certainly will.

Anonymous

Ask yourself…what do you need?are you happy?do you see a future with him? this might help i hope