I’m feeling really sad and scared. My fiancé over drinks and says horrible things to me. He just fights and even if I stay quiet and cry, he continues to say horrible things. I feel really scared and depressed. He completely changes when he’s sober and he promises not to do it again but he does. I feel so scared for my future. I don’t want my children to grow up seeing this.
You need to stand up for yourself and make a decision. That is toxic behavior
I have really tried. I’ve tried everything and this isn’t a relationship I can get out of easily without a lot of legal complications. I just feel so hopeless.
Sometimes you need to do something that seems hard because to society stigma . But you have to for yourself
U should leave him immediately and tell your parents that how he behaves with you
I’m just so worried that my parents will take it the wrong way. I feel like I’m just going to hurt and disappoint them and that something will happen to them. Do you guys think this is something that counselling and therapy and help? I’m desperate to get a solution to this without much destruction 😔
I would suggest a couple therapy to be honest. Some amount of coaching/therapy may be beneficial for him as well. If he is dealing with addiction which in turn translates into an abusive nature — course correction is needed. That could be best addressed by therapy.
Thank you. I’ll definitely try to find a good therapist in my area and convince him to do it. He’s a completely different person when he’s sober and he does acknowledge his mistake when he is sober. But when he is drunk, he just doesn’t remember anything he does
Yes! I am sure there is enough affection between you two. However for the relationship to work well mutual respect is necessary. I believe if you can find a good therapist (please do take online reviews and doctor experience into account) she/he may be able to help you both in a way which most of us aren’t professionally challenged to do.
What you are going through is well within emotional abuse which is definitely creating a toxic experience for you and kids. From what I can see this behaviour of his is literally creating ripple effects which may risk the entire future of your relationship. Please try and understand that such an emotional abuse may risk in killing of your stability as an individual and naturally as you rightly pointed out not be ideal for your children.
If you have an immediate support system in your family whom you can rely on - do share these experiences/instances with them. Can’t stress enough that you should have the support of people who are there for you, listen to you and can attend to you in case of any sort of such mishappenings.
Secondly instead of directly implying a separation is it viable to draw a set of boundaries? Perhaps initiating that you will not be living/accepting an abusive relationship. I would urge you to record your observations in a diary as well so that you have a ready journal of all things accounted for.
Lastly try and stay strong and do share with others whom you trust.
Thank you so much. Reading this really gives me some hope instead of just ending the relationship. I feel really ashamed to share this with my close friends or family because I feel like they’ll judge me for getting into a relationship with such a person. I feel like everybody will just say it’s my mistake and I’m scared of that.
Hey! It’s not your fault at all.
That should be the golden rule for you to accept and follow. It’s not your fault and in-fact the moment you are acknowledging and trying to make this relationship work shows that you are quite the opposite of “weak”.
Choose whom you would like to open up with and if they are trustworthy they will be there in all your highs and lows. I hope you sail through this stormy weather and come out stronger.
Do not ignore this signs walk out now any you will be happier…you are better off without him.
It’s really tough to deal with societal and family pressures and it isn’t as easy. Not just that, I really liked my relationship and felt very content and happy in my relationship before this issue. No relationship can be perfect so if there’s a way for me to solve this, I will want to try.
Ofcourse we all know no relationship is perfect…there are highs and lows but those are to be shared by both equally…when u keep tolerating everything on your own things add up and u will be frustrated. You will hate yourself for it one day and more than that you will start hating the guy u once loved… though I am no one to tell you what you should do sometimes ending things before they turn bitter is a relief.
And you are the only person who will know what’s best for you deep inside.
I’m a married man who’s been struggling and surrounded by alcohol addicts. I’ve made a lot of progress in the last years but none of my friends alcoholics did.
My advice to you is if he’s denying that he’s having issues or he’s not willing to try everything to threat his addiction then you should know that you may loose a lot of time and effort on this.
I’m with my wife for 7 years and I’m still making her cry and scared once or twice an year when I’m going home wasted.