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Trigger warning

I’m feeling really lost these days.  Everything feels meaningless. I try to engage myself in various activities but all seems to b in vain. Since the day I lost my father…the only person I thought was my whole world. My whole world became empty. Whenever I think of him. The memories I have in my mind. My heart starts to burst. I can’t stop thinking of him. Also, I’m living in a hostel far away from my loving mother and two beautiful elder sisters. I wanted to study at Delhi University when everything was fine but after I lost my father on the 6th of April 2018, I became numb.  All we thought of was to help our mother.  I started to pretend that everything is okay but I feel dead inside.  I don’t know what to do? I feel empty, broken as if I am lost. I want to support my mother as soon as possible as life is not the same as it was before, we have our family pension as our only source of income. So much to do but I feel like doing nothing. There are times when I feel like living but most of the time I’m confused, I feel worthless as if I have no shelter to hide.  I used to hug my father all the time and put my head onto his chest with a long conversation. But all of it suddenly vanished.  How can I live?  I often ask myself is this really me.  How have I even survived? I try not to think of anything.  That is what I did for the past 20 months.  I never to me is a joke.  I don’t know what to do.  I’m confused. All these days I had one hope.  That God is there. He’s somewhere seeing all this…and he can never be wrong in whatever he did. There are days when I think of the past .i feel helpless. I feel numb… My mother and two sisters are all I have in this world.  I don’t feel happy anymore. This world seems to be blur and fast. I want to hide. I want to escape from myself.  There is a lot more to my story. But I’m not sure if anybody would like to hear that… I’m trying to share a bit so What should I do with all these feelings?

1 reply

Khushboo @khushboo

It’s very sad that you lost your father. I know it’s very difficult to put those thoughts away but please try to be calm. Don’t lose yourself these days. These days are meant to make his dreams come true. No need to get confused or worthless. Be positive and stay motivated.


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