Home / Thoughts / I’m feeling like I don’t matter. I have no family...
Depression Trigger Warning
Anonymous
edited

I’m feeling like I don’t matter. I have no family (most of them are dead), one friend in the world and I keep losing jobs, mostly because I can’t seem to fit in at work. I love people, but have no social skills. I just sort of got out of a long relationship and I’m having troubles at my new work place. Mind you, I’m in my early thirties, I should have my life sorted by now. Instead, all I have is people who hate me and have to start out over and over due to my mistakes. I loved that last guy, gave him eight years of my life and got discarded like a piece of trash. I have been an inpatient before, but that’s not possible now because I’m an expat (a year in this country) and counselling is very expensive. The level of suffering is insane, but I’m afraid of pain so that’s why I haven’t ended it. I booked a phone session (that’s free at the moment) but that’s not going to magically fix anything. I’d just like to be accepted and loved for myself because I forgot what it was like. If people don’t want me, that must mean I’m a shitty person, right? I do have BPD, but I got lot better with age, but I’m still living an empty life. Thank you to whoever reads this, at this moment just writing this down means the world to me.

1 Comments
Post anonymously?
o
@ordinaryguy

So look at 30 people have everything sorted my friend and you have not till now that’s a shame…you are a shitty person
This if I say you will add one person in your list of everyone hates me. You have no control over me but you have over you so stop hating yourself first and making such statements. You have done great in life and lucky enough to leave someone not worthy of being your life partner.