Riski Fauzan @calmcadence
I’m dreadfully tired of being in the dark
Lonely as a tree on a desert
All this time I’ve wanted to help but I couldn’t
As the land gets emptier by the day
Swept away by the ocean of fear
It’s awfully painful
Ripping my heart apart
I’m tired of hearing noises in my head
It’s so loud, overpowering my will to survive
Forcing me to stop breathing
I wish I could end it, but I can’t
I don’t know how long I can keep on fighting the demons inside me
Who keep insisting me to quit
I’m so lost
Where should I go?
I hate myself so much for not knowing where I belong
I could only see one path in front of me
The demon says it will bring me to a much better place
Where it’s all filled with lots of love
A place we may call “high up above”
At this point, death sounds fair enough
Hope Hellen @hope_hellen
You’re not alone
Hope Hellen @hope_hellen
You’re not alone
I can barely feel I’m breathing.
I’ve lost all hope
So ironic,
Cause that’s what I was given.
From birth
From the start
My name was never an heirloom.
But here I am
I can’t talk
My soul is truly ungrateful.
Riski Fauzan @calmcadence
I feel you
Not sure how many rubbish should I consume
While hoping that the fire inside me would relume
I’ve sipping on strange potions
to defeat my emotions
I think I’ve lost my intuition
for all the clouds I see are grey
Is there such thing as egression to escape dreams of yesterday?
Hope Hellen @hope_hellen
None I think.
Nightmares are signs of ptsd
I have them too.
In the night
In broad daylight
Like a fool.
The past is mostly traumatizing
No herb can heal memories
No device has been installed to format them on me
No drug or drink abuse can help thee
So just buckle up!
It’s a rollercoaster ride maybe for you,
But definitely for me.
Riski Fauzan @calmcadence
This agony of mine might seem so ugly
For I don’t know if I could word it correctly
The air I breathe often feels heavy
Longing for the missing pieces of puzzle
There’s this uneasiness that is just so hard to understand
Like an approaching heavy storm, waiting to happen
I’ve been hearing noises
They say I’m too broken and incapable
Or are they just voices in my head?
For I’ve been broken by incomparable tragedy
I know my grief might seem so ugly
I want to keep the lights on
But I’m tired of backs being turned
I’m feeling agitated that this is going to be my permanent state of being
I don’t know
Honestly, it just feels really nice if I could hear the words “you are worth staying for”
It would feel really, really nice
Hope Hellen @hope_hellen
I don’t know what you’re going through
I don’t know If I can understand
I don’t know either what am I here to do
But take a look on the brighter end.
We are worthy too of living
And of being loved to death
But neither can I feel it in me
Cause I feel like I’m always on edge.
My voices keep telling me
To push away all my friends
It keeps saying to me
That I’m better off dead
Now I’m locked up in a cage
And I really feel traped
When someone comes to save me
I tell them to get away from me
I don’t need their help.
Now I can’t seem to have some peaceful sleep
Cause I have sudden palpitations
On one part of my body, that’s with my left hand
My head keeps aching
No tears comes out,
just the voices in my head
And I’m like it’s little puppet
While it pulls it’s strings
And tell me Simon says
Riski Fauzan @calmcadence
Do you know how it feels
Stuck in bed, awake
Yet my mind is travelling somewhere unknown
And the only thing I know is “sleep” will set it right
But it just won’t shut
As the dawn arrives and the bright sun becomes meaningless
Or is there meaning in meaninglessness?
Hope Hellen @hope_hellen
At least you get some sleep,
Sometimes I feel like I’m Dracula’s descendant.
I only sleep 4hrs or less,
Wide awake from dawn to dawn,
Hell at it’s finest.
But we all have our struggles
Your trauma isn’t mine
Neither is mine yours.
But know this,
Your emotions are valid,
Please do not suppress them.
I know it’s hard,
But don’t listen to them voices.
It’s a nice start for your head
To get that m * **r f ker outta your guest list,
Don’t give up yet,
I’m d MN sure we’re needed.
Riski Fauzan @calmcadence
I don’t think you quite get what I mean by “sleep”
but that’s okay… I guess you’re right. We all have our own demons to fight.
But I don’t think I have the ability to fight it
This feeling of unworthiness feels so painfully obvious already
That I’m overwhelmed
In all honesty I would need the help from others
Yet I’m afraid I will end up hurting others again
And again
