Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

I’m confused and as always overthinking about things. I joined the bsc.nursing course but i really want to be a doctor. I just enrolled in this course because i couldn’t secure a medical seat because of few silly mistakes about which i still have my regrets. My father didn’t want me to enroll in this course as he wanted me to drop another year because he believed that I can still get a good medical College next year and it was my plan to take admission in this course. Now that the course has started,i don’t think i can prepare for pre-medical exam because this course itself is so vast and tiring that i don’t get time and energy to do the preparation. There’s so many disturbing factors in the hostel that I’ve been residing
in because of which i ain’t able to concentrate. what do I do now? People here in my college are telling me not to quit. I know it’s a good profession and there are so many people in the waiting list to get this course but I’ve always struggled to get what i really want all through my life, whether it’s class 10 and 12 exams or any other thing I’ve worked hard for. And when you go through all those things,you feel like,“I wasn’t made for this. I wasn’t supposed to do this. This is not where i wanted to be. It doesn’t feel right at all.” It feels like I’m just giving up so easily. You know it feels like I’m just compromising with the things that i really wished for just for the sake of what people will say. Another major reason I abruptly decided to enroll in this course is that most of my friends are in college in their 2nd or 3rd year already and here I’m still struggling to get a seat in college. There are so many ‘what ifs’. What if i couldn’t crack it again? What will I do then?There are so many people telling me that cracking the exam is easy but the course is hard,(which is true),so i shouldn’t do it. People are telling me not to drop and continue with the course but i don’t want to do it. The moment I entered the campus of nursing school, i heard an inner voice telling me to stop right there,and i didn’t feel right too. It felt uneasy.
My father didn’t have any high expectations from me unlike most indian parents but he believed me that i sure can do anything if i want and try to get it and specially get a good college.
He believed me more than i believed myself. It was my dream to be a good doctor but somehow,by the time, it’s his dream now and after all those things my father has done for me and the way he supported my dreams and every decision,i think that I’ve let him down by not staying at home and preparing for pre-medical exams. I think i should go back home and prepare for exams with all my strength just for my father and that 10 year old girl who once dreamt to be a doctor.