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Anonymous

I’m a teenager trying to understand life for the most part. My parents split when I was 10. It’s been 7 years now. Before my mom got together with her partner it was just my brother and I. Now we have a new sibling who is 3. So yeah, my mom has been with him for three years. I do maintain a good relationship with my father. But something has been bothering me for a while. Sometimes I do get jealous of my cousins or some of my friends parents. They do things together as a family. I love my family but I don’t feel happy living with her partner. I don’t think i’ve fully accepted it. I’ve endured annoyance from my 8 year old brother whenever we’d go with my dad when my brother was like 5. Now I have this new 3 year old whom I have to babysit to help my mom out so she won’t pay for a babysitter. I don’t mind at all, but I do think sometimes. Should have have she asked my brother and I if we were okay living with her partner and her having a new son? The only reason I think these self thoughts is because my 8 year old brother seems frustrated sometimes because he thinks no one pays attention to him. I already feel bad he doesn’t have pictures together of our parents on his birthdays and stuff. But when he says no one pays attention to him, I think that mostly what my mom does is for our baby brother. I understand he’s still a baby, but I feel aggravated sometimes. I did have a time where I moved out to live with my dad, I felt upset leaving my 8 year old brother. But I felt extremely sad and frustrated not feeling comfortable in my own home. I eventually came back and I know my mom was hurt. I’m trying really hard to stay positive and happy because I don’t want to hurt her or my brother. It’s a lot to carry for me. Do you think it’s selfish? To make myself question why she didn’t ask us before doing anything? Or why she didn’t think of how we’d feel? I know she’s an adult and she has her life too , but I feel very sad because I thought i outlived the whole “Babysitting my brother during summer” thing with my 8 year old brother. Now I have another responsibility, even if it sounds mean I have to take care of him and stuff. I don’t know if I sound like a brat, but it’s still hard for me to accept my parents divorce. I turn 18 next year and I’m planning on moving in with my dad, but again I feel mean and guilty.

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@pushpendrapandya

Hi,

Thank you for pouring your thoughts here and really appreciate that you reached out.

That itself says a lot about your awareness and understanding how this affecting yourself and surroundings at a different levels.

1. Does this mean what you did and what you are likely to do is mean, you said.

A: Visualise yourself as someone who is looking at your own life’s situations from a 3rd person’s view.

Write down 5 suggestions that you’d have offered to this person.

2. Between your mom and you; if you feel that mom should have discussed with you; it is a sincere thinking from your part.

3. You left in between to dad’s for the reasons that you believed in. Please understand, your actions at that particular were yet balanced by few factors (1) Your mom’s partner, mom’s new beginning and her relationships with new set of people. Plus your lil brother’s emotional wellbeing too was weighing on your teenage mind.

You did as a final temporary solution and I can imagine this break, staying with dad would have given you little shift in perspectives and a bit of guilt for leaving your little 8 year old brother with mom and her new family.

Please understand, you being a sister; you tried to be the best sister you could have inspite of all. So I don’t think having guilt will help. And you know, you tried your best.