If you’re confused between two partners which one would you go for? One is ur true love who messed up big but is changing and you share a great connection with them and they are head over heels in love with you.
Second one is a balanced man with great understanding but he loves you but less than the first. Connection is good but not so great. It can develop but that’s uncertain.
Confused as to give the first one a chance or take things ahead with the second one.
I’m sorry this looks very odd thinking about two men at once. But I am really confused and cannot seem to decide.
I am honestly trying to be calm. But it’s really easier said than done. And I just feel that I am mentally very unstable to make this decision. I don’t yet love myself enough to know any better for me. My heart says to go for the first one who literally harassed me in the past but heart is telling me to just go for it give him a chance it’s been 2yrs and he’s still waiting changing himself and asking for that one chance. Ready to make me his wife.
Brain says to go with the second balanced man, tho he loves u less he will never harm you and it will be the safe choice. And develop connection with him. But as I am unable to open up with him cz I really don’t know if he sees me as a lifelong partner.
I really don’t wanna take the wrong decision or hurry into one.
Post owner: I understand all that. But doesn’t everyone mess up? And I really love that guy. If he’s really changed than we wud be the most happiest to have each other. But then I also feel what u said is true. I should love myself enough to not go back to my abuser. But I am really unable to love anybody else give his place to anyone else🥲🥲and feels like I’m settling for half love just because I am not courageous enough to make it work with him or give him that chance he’s asking for
Hahaha yea maybe that’s right. He kept on hurting me cz I didn’t do what he wanted. Now the apology means nothing I guess. Thanks for calling me out.
Give him a chance if you feel his feelings toward you is genuine. Test him how much he is willing to change for you (things that should change). If he shows promise and can change, take it slow with him so that you can see for yourself that changes are made by him and he still appreciates you or not.
Going with a consistent guy is obviously tempting and on paper looks better but as you said you don’t feel a great connection with him plus the uncertainty of how he is going to unravel.
If you decide to go with first person, take it very slow, see if he is willing and how willing to make changes for you and how much he actually implements. Buckle up and take it real slow, its for your own good.
Well yes that’s what I’m feeling. Love with second guy might turn out to be a compromise and also I’m not his first love so it is felt. He’s not sure of me. Neither am I.
But then going back to someone who harassed me is a big swing to take. Gambling on my life. Idk how to be assured that I will be safe. He won’t react again the hostile way?
And also what others are saying that I should love myself enough to not go back to my abuser and also I feel drawn to him cz he feels familiar these points are also very correct.
So it’s a tough spot. Idk which is right for me.
I suggested you take it real slow with him, slow enough to ensure he can’t hurt you and if he does, bail out. What others are saying is truth, you shouldn’t go back to your abuser. I advised the above because it seemed you still care for him and he somewhere does as well but that does not mean you get harassed and stuff. If he is really willing to make changes and show initiative and promise, try to give him a chance but be sure to tell him that you would put brakes soon if he goes back to his old tactics. Or else, like others are saying, give yourself space from him and try to move on. You are confused, you would be in pain as well but take your lessons and move on, sister.
With regards to second guy, if you don’t feel connected with him and him with you, there is no point unless one of you shows promise to change things for good. Then roll the dice.
Dude don't go with either of them because I think it's time you be with yourself. You will surely leave the second guy, because you won't feel loved enough and you will compare it to your first. But staying with your first will mentally drain you. So I think both of them aren't made for you at present
This makes sense👀👀 Arrange marriage is the solution i guess 😂😂
If you give second chance to an abuser you will fall in to a trap and then he will keep harrassing you and you won’t be able to leave him.
It will get tougher for you to leave him.
Well it’s been 3yrs to that incident and we’ve been almost no contact, so he’s changed or atleast he says so and still is waiting for me to give him that chance. He wants it badly but not forcing this time like he did the last time.
Well what my thought process is that ki yes he did bad things to me but half of the blame goes to me right for not standing up for myself for not speaking up and excusing his actions letting it slide by and after 3 yrs I think i have overcame that too, I have changed too. I am no longer that weak person. Ik my power now.
What I feel is that even if i had left him but not changed myself I would have attracted different person but with the same traits right. Cz I didn’t changed myself. So I just feel that now I have changed and he says he is too is it worth the shot? Cz he knows I can leave him. He won’t try to mess it up.
I still don’t think you should go back to him
Okayy🥺
Don’t be sad you will get way better than him😊
