Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

I’m glad you are feeling better

No worries I liked your poem, the “pat ur back” reminded me of an exercise that I do when I feel very overwhelmed, I tell u it so you can use it whenever you feel overwhelmed or anxious.

Cross your arms to your shoulders, your left hand to the right shoulder, and your right hand to the left shoulder. Pat slowly and softly, Close your eyes and don’t forget to breathe in-n-out.
I hope you can use it in the future <3

Well, It might be because I don’t trust people anymore, you know…just some people claiming to be friends with me but weren’t, they just played with my emotions and just weren’t there to make me feel better instead they only made me feel worthless and stupid in front of others. I am scared of feeling that again, I know that not all people are like this but, it’s not the first time that other people call themselves my friend, and don’t care about me it’s a game to them, I am the one that always gets left out. It’s very tiring when I get told that I just need to wait for the people that really want to be friends with me, I doubt that moment will happen because I keep getting played at…4 fucking years of being hurt is enough to make me think that no one wants me. What makes me also sad is the fact that this still haunts me, I can’t even look at people in the eyes without feeling anxious or feeling their judgment…how pathetic, really. When I see people from afar having fun I usually start to cry and feel envious too, but what I can’t stand is the laughter, that is what hits the hardest. Hearing their laughter makes me feel some sort of way that I can’t explain, but it’s enough to make me have a breakdown. I have been feeling sad every day for 4 years so I am used to this feeling although it has worsened since that simple feeling of sadness feels way more exhausting.

I can get what you feel as I am going through the same thing. And do you what really helps is finding peace and happiness in your own company. Just don’t desire anyone’s company and don’t expect anyone to be your friend. Because it might be that they really wanted to help or they might not but right now what the people like us really want cannot be given by others simply because no one can really understand depression unless they themselves have gone through it. So just break from everyone temporarily and just be in your own company. Yes, no doubt you will feel lonely and sad time to time but at the same time you feel strong and proud of yourself. And just go for therapy, after all going through depression for 4 years it took me really long time to realise it but what we really need is therapist, a person who would not judge us, totally understand our mind and us and even willingly give us solution to problems. They are actually the right person to talk to but we just didn’t realise that we’re talking to wrong people all this time.