if god closes one doorfor you.. dont keep on banging it..maybe it wasnt good enough for you

Other

Everyday. Everyday is the same. It's a constant loop. Kind of like how music plays on loop. Life is just like that. For me, life is boring. It doesn't interest me the way it used to. God, I'd do anything to feel that way again. Just one more time...

3am Thoughts

I am now good 

Addiction

Guys so i’ve been feeling envious of these girls in my high school. And it’s been affecting me alot. They are pretty, popular and have an amazing life. Everyone likes them. I watched videos on yt on how to recover from it, and honestly i feel good but I honestly don’t think it will last for even 2 days. I want to be happy with myself and i just can’t figure out how to

School

Feeling lonely. Anybody wishes to talk... welcome..  Delhi priority.

Anxiety

Unpopular opinion but it is truth around 80% girls do this "Women's love is conditional as they always force some conditions over man that either he will earn better look good and fullfil conditions and Man's love is unconditional because they wanted only women they dont need her money status or anything if u dont agree with u can see around u these things happens and im not saying it is girls do these things with intention but it happens because society dont wanted women to flourish they want them to slave or down because if women r independent then they can love somebody they can also provides things to somebody but somehow they dont wanted that thing they wants someone do these things for them and that is not love it is simple business transaction 

Love

Now i know tom&jerry me 
Tom hi acha tha! 🥺

Delusion

There is one weekday, my girlfriend went to her company dinner and got drunk. I went to pick her up and took care of her in the car. Making sure she stay comfortable and prevent her from nausea. So as I reached her home, her mum and sister helped me to open the house door and I carried her in. She's dead drunk. I couldn't stand seeing her sleeping like this. So I've taken the liberty of removing her make up and wash her face myself. And I stayed there till 4am for her to wake up despite having to work next day at 9am. 

I thought she would forever remember this good thing I did for her. But in the end, she just forgets it and just remember my flaws. This wasn't the only good thing I did for her, but this was my proudest one yet. 

Why the hell i am made like this ? Why i don't like drinking alcohol ? Why i don't like smoking? Why i feel uncomfortable and feels suffocated among those who drink and smoke ? Why i feel suffocation from smell of alcohol and smoke ? Why i feel like running out of there and no dude i literally tried to change myself and i literally tried to feel comfortable but no i end up feeling angry, suffocated and most importantly uncomfortable. I have social anxiety too and i am introvert so going among these kind of people literally drains my energy. I really someday wish that out of anger or frustration i drink and drive a car and meet with an accident and die i have literally imagined a lot about myself like this. My bf drinks but i tried to get acustomed among thpse who drink and smoke but i really end up crying and feeling frustrated and it's not about one time it has happened a lot of times. 

Ps : I am suffering from severe stage depression from 15 years and high functioning anxiety disorder and ocd too. 

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