Idk what i’m even feeling at this point, everyday is a blurry mess and it keeps getting worse. I wake up, forget everything and carry on, its become a repeating cycle at this point. I don’t even know if i feel any emotions at this point, like am i just faking my own emotions or am i genuinely numb to it all? I can’t remember the last time i actually enjoyed something or didn’t have to fake a smile and was genuinely happy. Worse part is i fear mornings, every morning is just a repeating nightmare, a toxic mother, nobody at home, an emotionally unavailable brother, a school where no one likes you, like everyday my mom gets to me about being a failure, how all of my “friends” are better than me at everything and i’ll never amount to anything, how all my friends and classmates top the classes, are good at everything they do and i’m the only person who can’t do anything, is a failure to the family, how my brother is so much better than me, and that i’m worth nothing to her, i remember her explicitly telling me ince “you’re such a bad daughter, you don’t even study a little bit, you know what, just go die, you aren’t my child, i disown you, and just die, i don’t care how, you can commit suicide for all i care, slit your wrist, jump off a building, i don’t give a fuck, just i don’t want you around anymore cause you’re an awful person and don’t deserve to live.” all because i got 74percent in my report card instead of 95. I’ll admit i am a faiure, a good for nothing, but that really did hurt. I keep on standing strong for everyone, everyone thinks i’m a normal, happy child, i have no problems, i have a perfect family, etc. No its the complete opposite, the only reason i don’t show my emotions is because i’m like the “therapist” person of every friend group, nobody actually wants me around, they just use me as an emotional dumpster and i have to stand strong, keep a smile on my face, but i feel nothing at all, i feel alone, miserable all the time, and i don’t even know the reason for it. I feel like a complete failure to everyone and i know nobody will really stick around for someone like me, as the days pass i get more and more insecure for i don’t even know what reason.
I apologize for the huge rant, i didn’t mean to burden anyone, it all got too much for me rn and i just felt like i needed to vent. I apologize if i wasted anyone’s time, I’m sorry.
Bye, have a safe night/day.
I feel you. Just stay strong.
Your markscard is nothing. I’m 23 and trust me when I say that the only use of it is to make documents for yourself, like passport, adhaar card, pan card, voter ID etc.
Your marks don’t matter at all. You should definitely study, put an effort and pass all the subjects, no doubt.
At the end of the day, what matters is your skill and practical knowledge. Not what you studied in school or college, but practical knowledge that you gain while working. That’s all that matters.
My friend didn’t complete his bcom degree - he had a lot of backlogs (failed in almost all subjects)
But he did a lot of internships, gained practical knowledge, and is now the boss of 20 people in an MNC. He has his own house, vehicle, dog.
IT GETS BETTER!
As for your friends, cut them all out. You don’t deserve to be treated that way. Just ghost them. Having no friends is better than having snakes as friends.
As per your mother and brother, I’m sorry you have to put up with them. Just wait till you’re financially independent and stable, and after that tell them how you felt. Fight with thm. Yell at them. Then walk out of the toxic house and don’t look back. Cut them out as well. You wouldn’t need them any longer.
But till then, please stay strong and be patient. Don’t take whatever they say to heart. Don’t even listen to them.
You are strong! I believe in you. You’re gonna be big. Remember that.
Hey hey hey u know I feel the same too but see u get 74 percent at least I got only 10 out of 100 u should be proud that u got 74 % I can never be able to understand wht u are going through becoz I’m not u but u have to stay strong remember the flower " Rose has thorns on the stem yet it is so beautiful so don’t worry there is always a good life coming for u nothing lasts FOREVER not even pain and problems so just stay strong
