Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

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Sania Khan @saniakhan

I wouldn’t want to call myself as somebody who’s easily affected by the thought of people dying , it may sound insensitive , but i’ve accepted it & it will happen & there’s nothing you can do about it . I’ve always felt that i’m quite emotionally sound & stable unless it doesn’t concern people close to me . But what i thought of me wasn’t quite true , it was only a regular friday , i was posted in the emergency department & as second year medical students , you aren’t given much attention & your only job is to take history of the patient , who is pretty annoyed by this time to be answering the same questions. Here we enter the department , and i see a boy almost my age on the bed , thinking that our senior would attend to him but it turns out he was already dead ; my eyes instantly didn’t want to look there , i didn’t want to be there , i didn’t want to see that , each of us looking at other helpless like what just happened . Hearing of somebody die & seeing a person die are to different things i believe now . His mother was not ready to admit the fact that he wouldn’t be fine anymore , she was talking to him and telling him i’ll take you to a better place , you’ll be completely fine , don’t worry . She was so anxious to get him out of this place but the hospital has its own protocol ; they took his thumb prints on the death certificate and her mother still shouting at the doctors just to leave him alone & let go of him . I saw his younger brother looking at him and crying . I felt so many emotions as to if i am supposed to be feeling this way , this is going to happen every day , is it fine to feel this weak . I just walked out of the department , straight up called my friend from his department told him what happened and started crying . I felt so helpless & disheartened . This happened months back from this date , why am i writing now ? I had a practical exam today of forensic medicine where they talk about post mortem examination & thanatology in detail . All it reminded me was of the boy , still gives me those chills , i can still picture his mother talking & it just makes me sad to this day!!!

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3 replies

Avni @avni

I…am reminded of so many flashbacks of similar experiences that i have had. As a human being, you are not ready to deal with any grey area heads on because it can be so unusual. I always try deep breathing but situations like these always fuk me up mentally and emotionally.

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Anonymous

I just got goosebumps while reading this. I don’t think I have the power to witness what you see on a daily basis. I don’t know you but I know for sure you’re such a strong woman. More power to you.

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Anonymous

So so so much strength to you for choosing this career path. You are going to save so many lives. Wishing you all the love and power

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