Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

I wouldn’t want to call myself as somebody who’s easily affected by the thought of people dying , it may sound insensitive , but i’ve accepted it & it will happen & there’s nothing you can do about it . I’ve always felt that i’m quite emotionally sound & stable unless it doesn’t concern people close to me . But what i thought of me wasn’t quite true , it was only a regular friday , i was posted in the emergency department & as second year medical students , you aren’t given much attention & your only job is to take history of the patient , who is pretty annoyed by this time to be answering the same questions. Here we enter the department , and i see a boy almost my age on the bed , thinking that our senior would attend to him but it turns out he was already dead ; my eyes instantly didn’t want to look there , i didn’t want to be there , i didn’t want to see that , each of us looking at other helpless like what just happened . Hearing of somebody die & seeing a person die are to different things i believe now . His mother was not ready to admit the fact that he wouldn’t be fine anymore , she was talking to him and telling him i’ll take you to a better place , you’ll be completely fine , don’t worry . She was so anxious to get him out of this place but the hospital has its own protocol ; they took his thumb prints on the death certificate and her mother still shouting at the doctors just to leave him alone & let go of him . I saw his younger brother looking at him and crying . I felt so many emotions as to if i am supposed to be feeling this way , this is going to happen every day , is it fine to feel this weak . I just walked out of the department , straight up called my friend from his department told him what happened and started crying . I felt so helpless & disheartened . This happened months back from this date , why am i writing now ? I had a practical exam today of forensic medicine where they talk about post mortem examination & thanatology in detail . All it reminded me was of the boy , still gives me those chills , i can still picture his mother talking & it just makes me sad to this day!!!