Sania Khan @saniakhan
I wouldn’t want to call myself as somebody who’s easily affected by the thought of people dying , it may sound insensitive , but i’ve accepted it & it will happen & there’s nothing you can do about it . I’ve always felt that i’m quite emotionally sound & stable unless it doesn’t concern people close to me . But what i thought of me wasn’t quite true , it was only a regular friday , i was posted in the emergency department & as second year medical students , you aren’t given much attention & your only job is to take history of the patient , who is pretty annoyed by this time to be answering the same questions. Here we enter the department , and i see a boy almost my age on the bed , thinking that our senior would attend to him but it turns out he was already dead ; my eyes instantly didn’t want to look there , i didn’t want to be there , i didn’t want to see that , each of us looking at other helpless like what just happened . Hearing of somebody die & seeing a person die are to different things i believe now . His mother was not ready to admit the fact that he wouldn’t be fine anymore , she was talking to him and telling him i’ll take you to a better place , you’ll be completely fine , don’t worry . She was so anxious to get him out of this place but the hospital has its own protocol ; they took his thumb prints on the death certificate and her mother still shouting at the doctors just to leave him alone & let go of him . I saw his younger brother looking at him and crying . I felt so many emotions as to if i am supposed to be feeling this way , this is going to happen every day , is it fine to feel this weak . I just walked out of the department , straight up called my friend from his department told him what happened and started crying . I felt so helpless & disheartened . This happened months back from this date , why am i writing now ? I had a practical exam today of forensic medicine where they talk about post mortem examination & thanatology in detail . All it reminded me was of the boy , still gives me those chills , i can still picture his mother talking & it just makes me sad to this day!!!
I…am reminded of so many flashbacks of similar experiences that i have had. As a human being, you are not ready to deal with any grey area heads on because it can be so unusual. I always try deep breathing but situations like these always fuk me up mentally and emotionally.
I just got goosebumps while reading this. I don’t think I have the power to witness what you see on a daily basis. I don’t know you but I know for sure you’re such a strong woman. More power to you.
So so so much strength to you for choosing this career path. You are going to save so many lives. Wishing you all the love and power