I wish I was as stone cold as I pretend.
This heart break would have hurt less.
Huge peice of advice guys, as soon as you realise you are in one sided love with someone, just run away. 

Is there any one who would like to  talk career related

Career

Feel likes everything is a mess. 

Anxiety

Lord, did I manipulate things again? Did I say too much? Did I draw a line? Was it a wrong move? Have I been too honest? Am I still scared for what might happen? Am I still not ready? Am I too vulnerable? Did I mess this up? We are on the same page, harmless-friendship-no-other intentions, are we? What if he took it the wrong way? What if I sound too defensive? Am I desperate? Am I running away? Is it too risky? Is he not enough?

Frustration

This is one of the few times I've been socialising with my partner's friends  and I banged my nose against the glass door after being drunk... 
I know it sounds funny but its not..

Depression

After my last relationship ended in March 2020, I decided not to hurry into relationships anymore, as I had actually jumped right into that relationship after my previous relationship. My ex said that I’d  find someone pretty soon and get into a relationship again and I promised him, that I won’t.. and I haven’t. Since March 2020, I’ve had new friends, guys mostly after 2-3 months start to want to take the friendship to a next level and I’ve never felt like getting into a relationship and “just wanting to be friends” never felt enough for the guy and have been blocked by 2guys. They said they couldn’t be “just friends” because they had feelings for me. It hurts to lose friends. Then another guy I considered a good friend, kindof broke my trust and after a fight went to the next level of distributing my number on omegle resulting in me getting constantly disturbed by random calls and messages every now and then. 
It’s now Sep 2021, I dont miss my ex that much but sometimes I recollect our good times, he was a great guy. We dont talk anymore, but I wish I could tell him I kept the promise. 

The reason I wrote this is because is feel lonely sometimes, i dont have that many friends, not that I would want to have coz I’ve pretty much cocooned up during lockdown and pretty much hate people. But recently I was thinking of having someone to kindof talk to as a friend maybe and stupid me installed tind*r to make “friends”. Well maybe I just want something casual. But I’m not the “casual” type. I cant really connect coz now I have trust issues. It’s really complicated. I want to talk to someone but I know nobody cares and so I just am writing this here. I dont want sympathy or anything just gotta be stronger alone. 
And to all those people stronger alone out there, kudos to u guys too. 

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