i was watching something earlier, one gilr in it said
'ive failed everyone in every way'
that hit hard

You are not in this world to fail or pass anyone. You are here for yourself. It doesn't matter. How anyone else is. You matter. Your feelings matter too. It shatters my heart to see you like this. I wish i could just take all those things and bad memories away from you. Try talking to people close to you or you can talk to people here too.
Just know that I'm proud of you . Why? Just because you exist and i know you are such a precious soul. Know your worth


I'll be there for you

Quotes

Mausam ke bilkul vipreet chal raha man 😐

3am Thoughts

I am annoyed because schools love annoying us and burdening us with worthless shit. I am in college yet I have to do my brother's hhw because its something that you cant expect a 9 years old to do alone.

Education

Do you'll guys think, a person who loves poetry can also leave someone's heart shattered? 

Now&Me Meets

Kisi ne The Compound effect book padhi ha?

Books

I feel like, will the people whom I consider as my dear and loved ones will cry if I die today or tomorrow? Will they miss me? Will they talk about me to their other friends and family and partners in future? 

I know I am a person who has fear of abandonment for which I have trust issues and insecurities. I know why I have this, this is because of a traumatic event that happened when I was born. 


I have this friend, a very dear friend of mine. I don't love him in a romantic manner, but more in a platonic manner. He's a safe space for me. He has always been a safe space. I know him since the last 2 years, but feels like I know him since years because everything with him is easy, he makes things easy for me to express. But we do have rough times, arguments where he doesn't talk to me or cuts off for a few days. This time, we had an argument...  Almost 15 days ago, and I asked him to draw some fucking boundaries and do not ever talk to me. Asked him to maintain some distance. Now, we meet after a year (because pandemic)... And both of us were very excited to meet each other. And it was so awkward when we meet, because none of us hugged. None of us has properly talked to each other. 

I honestly don't know what to do. I feel so helpless and I feel like I'm lossing him. This one time he was talking about his crush, and I insisted him confessing his feelings to the girl while we were on a call, he texted me "I really like you very much" and I saw his message after 20-30 minutes. When I asked him, he was like " I said it just like that" and all. My friends say, he's definitely into me. I don't know to be very honest. All I know is, he's my safe space when I'm drunk or when I'm sober. And I can't lose a friend like him. I don't know how to approach him, how to talk to him. And I have this feeling, that he will leave me.

He often compares himself with other male friends of mine and say "so now he's sweet to you and not I, huh". 
He's sweet. He gives up his window seat for me. Never allows me to rest my head against a window, he always makes sure I pass out in our cab rides on his shoulders. During a film festival, this one time I was dog tired, and sleepy. My head was hanging in air while I was sleeping, he took my head and rested it on his shoulders and when I woke up, I was literally in his arms, in a half hug position. His head was on my head,and the half hug. It's so sweet of him. And this happened for like 3-4 times. He's so sweet and adorable that to lose him is a loss.

My mind is a solid mess and hence the thoughts here are in a messy way as well. I tried my best to write in a structured manner but I couldn't. 




Anxiety

confess anything anonymously

My immediate reflex when someone makes eye contact with me is to look away 🤦‍♂
I want to change that

I always see posts about love and here I am making one haha. 
There is a girl. I made her my girlfriend a week ago. She is lovely, great personality, beautiful, matches up with me very well.
I have a past that includes emotional and sexual abuse within a relationship. For this reason I find relationships very difficult to enter into. I want to communicate to her that I really want to take things slowly, especially sexually, e.g., none of this "couldn't live without you" stuff, as it really upsets me. I'm not sure how to go about doing this, any ideas?
I also have anxiety. This means I am often doubting whether I actually like her, where this is going, if its the right choice, if I will hurt her, if she is as good as I think she is. I really, really, really don't want this to get in the way of things with her. I don't know how to control these thoughts, does doubt mean that I don't really like her? Need advice.
I just want to be more carefree. I worry so much. I just want things to be chill with her, I don't want her to be upset with anything I do, I don't want either of us to get hurt. Any advice appreciated. thanks. 


Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts