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MarriageThought

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Anonymous

I was meeting this person through family for arrange marriage. There was no clear yes from him but we met around 6-7 times and spoke over the phone as well. But he didn’t like texting and this made it very difficult for me to feel comfortable talking to him eventhough I liked him. Recently we were talking about attraction and I told him that I was attracted to him and that if he doesn’t feel the same, he should say no. We spoke normally other than this and he even told me to keep doing whatever I felt like. I texted him 2-3 times after this and did not get any reply. Had even sent him a very romantic song. 😒
But now, I’m thinking that I might have made it more difficult for him to say no and wonder if he saw me as desperate.
On hindsight, I also realize that I’ve ignored a few red flags from him. Obviously he is ghosting me but How do I get closure here? Should I tell my parents to politely convey that he doesn’t seem interested and that we won’t wait anymore? I’m scared of how this would go.
Or should I text him myself?

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4 replies
@manan

hey
this is about marrying this person, like a very big decision to take so i don’t think in such a situation you should be ignoring any of the red flags. moreover, it’s okay to express what you feel for others and give your partner some time, it might be hard for the partner as well to come up with an answer so just give it some time and but whenever you feel tat this is troubling you a lot or you aren’t feeling good about it, that’s when you will have to listen to yourself and make choices accordingly.
know that you gonna spend your life with someone and thus it is a very imp decision to take se just be wise and know what you are doing and all the very best, take care <3

@ijustneedhelpdude

no, let him be. if he’s ghosting you he doesn’t deserve you 😀

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Anonymous

I hear how painful that is through your words. There are a lot of people who also deal with this. There is nothing to be ashamed of, it affects a lot of us.

You’ve exhibited great courage in taking the first step by reaching out. Thanks for sharing this here and this is definitely an issue we need more people to talk about. Arranged Marriages in this day & age is NOT what it used to be as it was for the previous generation(s). The dynamics has completely changed.

Respect is a two-way street and he must earn yours as well. He is neither above or beneath you but must learn to be respectful of your feelings as well. You are a wonderful human being and sometimes we just need to be told/reminded of this from time to time. Surround yourself with good friends to confide in (if you’re comfortable with that) about this issue.

If he’s already treating you like this even BEFORE the engagement itself with some of the interaction happening over calls/text/in-person - I think the math here says that he may fare no better once you actually get married. There’s nothing worse than being tied down to a toxic person. It really drains your time and energy.

Hope this helps.

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Anonymous

Hey don’t ignore the red flags . Listen to your intuition. Cause later you’d be dealing with the same things. There should be mutual respect and care. And please take time before making decisions. Get to know the person well. Better I married than unhappy.

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