I was in love with a guy way so much that he left me saying I was too good for him…broke me into thousand pieces leading me into depression…it took me 4 long years to realise that I was suffering for something I was not even at fault… I kept myself busy with studies then work to forget everything…I also maintained distance with everyone around me… I didn’t trust anyone…my family and friends loved me and never gave up on me…I slowly saw I was not suffering alone … my behavior made my family and friends suffer too…I slowly mend every relation I left behind or say I was blessed to have people around me who had wide arms always ready for me…
I met a guy … because my mom n dad wanted me to get married or atleast find someone who will be good for me…I was not really sure about this but then thought why not see how this goes…so after going through many profiles I said no to the matrimony idea …n few days later I find a msg on IG saying found u on the matrimony app …if u r comfortable with the talking thing we can talk …so yes I did msg him back …I also told my parents about it…so slowly we started talking to each other n later it was like regular calls and texts…later…mom n dad asked me about further process as this was a marriage thing that they were looking forward to conclude with…I told him n he’s like okay give me some time…he later told me he lost his job n was not in a place to make a call or ask his parents to talk to mine because he had no job so it’s obvious my dad will question about his financial stability…he said he will find a good job n then make a call…I could understand him also his part but I couldn’t say this to my parents…I told them I need some more time…my dad said he didn’t want me to talk to a guy for no reason n get fooled again …to be honest as a parent my dad and his concern makes sense but I believe him that he’s not lying he’s been honest always about everything…my mom n dad also came up with other proposals n I was not interested… he’s different I’m completely comfortable with him I have fallen for him but I’m also afraid…it’s like this guy is a kind that I always wanted but I feel I’m being bad to my parents…I told them I’m not talking to him but I do talk to him…he wants to be settled…and I support him for that…I Love him so does he…but then there’s something I’m not the same how I used to be before…my break up made me strong …I’m not so emotional now I’m moreover a practical kind…many times I feel I’m doing something wrong but then his words it’s like I believe them…but I have a doubt …maybe it’s because people around me talk negative about him…I have this fear of abandonment …I don’t want to be in love n get my heart broken all over again…I am really harsh…rude…to him at times n say just go away but he sticks to me saying I’m not going anywhere…he has never ever once said about leaving me…i lose my temper many times because I have to deal with peopIe around me … People around me love me n are so concerned about me…I tried keeping distance from him but I failed…he makes me feel loved like no one else…he’s my secret that’s only mine …l always think about him…I don’t want to hurt him…but I don’t want to get hurt aswell …I fear losing him…my fear will make him go away…I don’t know what to do really…
Okay , I understand your situation as parents they have their concerns about you because marriage is not a small thing . inspite of suggesting you some thing I will give u an idea 💡 which will be very useful to you and your parents will also be happy from it ask your parents some time they will not say no to u .
The idea is start investigating about that person
What he used to do ?
Where does he used to work ?
Does he really lost his job ?
Or did he quit ?
Is he genuine?
Ask him from where did he find you?
This is the only way where you can convince your parents by saying that , this is the thing , he does work for so ’n’ so company this is his position he need some time to settle future .
Your not doing anything wrong by investigating about him
It’s for your safety to get to know that weather he is genuine or not (but remember this investigating thing should be private you should not tell him anything abt this , if he finds out tell me I want to explain my parents abt this but after confirming from my side ) your doing nothing wrong…!
All the best …!
I’m out of words and really relieved I didn’t expect anyone to read this and actually answer me it means a lot to me I’ll do what u said also Thank you so much Sir.
It’s important that you talk to him and meet before in a safe location even if he is very nice and seems quite normal you gotta be very careful with people you haven’t met especially when it’s about marriage. You must be completely sure who he really is as a person as well as you can we don’t need you having to deal with bad depression again just be cautious as it’s in your best interest in my opinion. You are doing absolutely nothing wrong in this situation.
I hope this works out well for you.
well, from my point of view, he is not telling u directly to lie to the people around you but soing so through his actions, indirectly that is. i know you don’t want to get hurt but it seems he’s not being a good influence on you esp if he’s making you suffer by lying to ur parents, again, indirectly. I also feel as if since he’s the first one to make you feel loved after ur traumatic experience, u dont want to let him go coz maybe u won’t meet somebody like him again. im insinuting, im sorry. but i think you should talk to him and tell him that although u love him, u love ur parents too and that it hurts you to lie to them. honesty is one of a foundation of any relationship. u have to make him understand that u telling ur parents doesnt mean ul be apart. from what i gather, ur parents love u and only want u to be happy so if someone is making u happy regardless of dat person’s job, i dont think they’ll make u leave him
Agree with this person. And as someone who has gone through something very similar, I would say don’t be so hung up on this one person. If he is genuine, he will get a job and come back to you. You don’t have to stop everything else in your life. What if he is not the one. You won’t have anything to fall back onto since you are investing all your energy into this one person. That’s risky since there is a possibility you will end up hurting yourself and your family again. Keep your options open. Since this is your relationship after a long time, your mind will trick you to exaggerate them as the perfect one. It’s becomes difficult to think logically and see the flaws. The attachment is bound to be strong. But don’t let that fool you honey.
Keep your mind open to things he says or does. Observe him.
It takes a significant amount of time to know someone. That usually happens when you see them in their comfort zone. There are things you might now know about him. Calls and texts may help to a certain extent but not as raw as you see someone behave in their home everyday. So there might be things you don’t know about him. Don’t take this pain of lying to your parents and tell them the truth.
He might have some matrimony ID you can investigate secretly on the details he has given there. Might be on Facebook.
There is no harm in meeting other guys meanwhile. At least take a look what other guys have to offer. You might see that as betraying him but there isn’t any official commitment between you two so that’s completely fair. I wasted 1.5 years for a guy who was jobless and I used to bear all his expenses. Sabotaged my career aspirations, happiness, savings, physical and mental health, starved days and cried every night to sleep worrying about the expenses. Had to borrow money from my sister (I never borrow anything from anyone, against my principles). Whereas the guy kept saying he is trying for job but had lavish life style on my money while I walked to work or took a bus in scorching heat to save some bucks.
Finally it hit me how irresponsible this person is and got out of that relationship. You are choosing your life partner and this is the person who will be there with you in your old age, the one who will be the father of your kids. You have to pick wisely honey. Take care and stay safe.
Share with us how it goes. Hope you end up with the right person.
and be careful …!