I was in love with a guy way so much that he left me saying I was too good for himā¦broke me into thousand pieces leading me into depressionā¦it took me 4 long years to realise that I was suffering for something I was not even at faultā¦ I kept myself busy with studies then work to forget everythingā¦I also maintained distance with everyone around meā¦ I didnāt trust anyoneā¦my family and friends loved me and never gave up on meā¦I slowly saw I was not suffering alone ā¦ my behavior made my family and friends suffer tooā¦I slowly mend every relation I left behind or say I was blessed to have people around me who had wide arms always ready for meā¦
Later
I met a guy ā¦ because my mom n dad wanted me to get married or atleast find someone who will be good for meā¦I was not really sure about this but then thought why not see how this goesā¦so after going through many profiles I said no to the matrimony idea ā¦n few days later I find a msg on IG saying found u on the matrimony app ā¦if u r comfortable with the talking thing we can talk ā¦so yes I did msg him back ā¦I also told my parents about itā¦so slowly we started talking to each other n later it was like regular calls and textsā¦laterā¦mom n dad asked me about further process as this was a marriage thing that they were looking forward to conclude withā¦I told him n heās like okay give me some timeā¦he later told me he lost his job n was not in a place to make a call or ask his parents to talk to mine because he had no job so itās obvious my dad will question about his financial stabilityā¦he said he will find a good job n then make a callā¦I could understand him also his part but I couldnāt say this to my parentsā¦I told them I need some more timeā¦my dad said he didnāt want me to talk to a guy for no reason n get fooled again ā¦to be honest as a parent my dad and his concern makes sense but I believe him that heās not lying heās been honest always about everythingā¦my mom n dad also came up with other proposals n I was not interestedā¦ heās different Iām completely comfortable with him I have fallen for him but Iām also afraidā¦itās like this guy is a kind that I always wanted but I feel Iām being bad to my parentsā¦I told them Iām not talking to him but I do talk to himā¦he wants to be settledā¦and I support him for thatā¦I Love him so does heā¦but then thereās something Iām not the same how I used to be beforeā¦my break up made me strong ā¦Iām not so emotional now Iām moreover a practical kindā¦many times I feel Iām doing something wrong but then his words itās like I believe themā¦but I have a doubt ā¦maybe itās because people around me talk negative about himā¦I have this fear of abandonment ā¦I donāt want to be in love n get my heart broken all over againā¦I am really harshā¦rudeā¦to him at times n say just go away but he sticks to me saying Iām not going anywhereā¦he has never ever once said about leaving meā¦i lose my temper many times because I have to deal with peopIe around me ā¦ People around me love me n are so concerned about meā¦I tried keeping distance from him but I failedā¦he makes me feel loved like no one elseā¦heās my secret thatās only mine ā¦l always think about himā¦I donāt want to hurt himā¦but I donāt want to get hurt aswell ā¦I fear losing himā¦my fear will make him go awayā¦I donāt know what to do reallyā¦
Hey
Okay , I understand your situation as parents they have their concerns about you because marriage is not a small thing . inspite of suggesting you some thing I will give u an idea š” which will be very useful to you and your parents will also be happy from it ask your parents some time they will not say no to u .
The idea is start investigating about that person
What he used to do ?
Where does he used to work ?
Does he really lost his job ?
Or did he quit ?
Is he genuine?
Ask him from where did he find you?
This is the only way where you can convince your parents by saying that , this is the thing , he does work for so ānā so company this is his position he need some time to settle future .
Your not doing anything wrong by investigating about him
Itās for your safety to get to know that weather he is genuine or not (but remember this investigating thing should be private you should not tell him anything abt this , if he finds out tell me I want to explain my parents abt this but after confirming from my side ) your doing nothing wrongā¦!
Go ahead
All the best ā¦!
Iām out of words and really relieved I didnāt expect anyone to read this and actually answer me it means a lot to me Iāll do what u said also Thank you so much Sir.
Itās important that you talk to him and meet before in a safe location even if he is very nice and seems quite normal you gotta be very careful with people you havenāt met especially when itās about marriage. You must be completely sure who he really is as a person as well as you can we donāt need you having to deal with bad depression again just be cautious as itās in your best interest in my opinion. You are doing absolutely nothing wrong in this situation.
I hope this works out well for you.
well, from my point of view, he is not telling u directly to lie to the people around you but soing so through his actions, indirectly that is. i know you donāt want to get hurt but it seems heās not being a good influence on you esp if heās making you suffer by lying to ur parents, again, indirectly. I also feel as if since heās the first one to make you feel loved after ur traumatic experience, u dont want to let him go coz maybe u wonāt meet somebody like him again. im insinuting, im sorry. but i think you should talk to him and tell him that although u love him, u love ur parents too and that it hurts you to lie to them. honesty is one of a foundation of any relationship. u have to make him understand that u telling ur parents doesnt mean ul be apart. from what i gather, ur parents love u and only want u to be happy so if someone is making u happy regardless of dat personās job, i dont think theyāll make u leave him
Agree with this person. And as someone who has gone through something very similar, I would say donāt be so hung up on this one person. If he is genuine, he will get a job and come back to you. You donāt have to stop everything else in your life. What if he is not the one. You wonāt have anything to fall back onto since you are investing all your energy into this one person. Thatās risky since there is a possibility you will end up hurting yourself and your family again. Keep your options open. Since this is your relationship after a long time, your mind will trick you to exaggerate them as the perfect one. Itās becomes difficult to think logically and see the flaws. The attachment is bound to be strong. But donāt let that fool you honey.
Keep your mind open to things he says or does. Observe him.
It takes a significant amount of time to know someone. That usually happens when you see them in their comfort zone. There are things you might now know about him. Calls and texts may help to a certain extent but not as raw as you see someone behave in their home everyday. So there might be things you donāt know about him. Donāt take this pain of lying to your parents and tell them the truth.
He might have some matrimony ID you can investigate secretly on the details he has given there. Might be on Facebook.
There is no harm in meeting other guys meanwhile. At least take a look what other guys have to offer. You might see that as betraying him but there isnāt any official commitment between you two so thatās completely fair. I wasted 1.5 years for a guy who was jobless and I used to bear all his expenses. Sabotaged my career aspirations, happiness, savings, physical and mental health, starved days and cried every night to sleep worrying about the expenses. Had to borrow money from my sister (I never borrow anything from anyone, against my principles). Whereas the guy kept saying he is trying for job but had lavish life style on my money while I walked to work or took a bus in scorching heat to save some bucks.
Finally it hit me how irresponsible this person is and got out of that relationship. You are choosing your life partner and this is the person who will be there with you in your old age, the one who will be the father of your kids. You have to pick wisely honey. Take care and stay safe.
Share with us how it goes. Hope you end up with the right person.
your welcome
and be careful ā¦!
