Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

I was in a relationship for 2 years and it’s been 8 months since we broke up. The initial 2, 3 months of my relationship were great but after that I noticed some toxicity and the toxicity came from both the ends. Him and I were very insecure about each other. He would spend time with his friends, he had a life outside of the relationship which was good. But idk what happened to me, my life revolved around this one person only. But still we worked on the relationship. After my high school, both of us decided to move to a different city. We got admission in the same college and my classes started earlier so I moved early as well. After that, when he came back after a month, idk what happened but I could sense something like him being with someone else, lying to me, losing interest in me (this was my gut feeling but I wasn’t sure). When he came back he became very toxic like constantly checking my phone etc. But when I used to tell him how I was feeling and I could sense these things about him, he would get really mad at me. I used to cry for hours at night but at last I thought maybe I’m overthinking and assuming things a lot let’s be transparent and let’s just sort things out. The moment I thought this, the next day I caught him. He was cheating on me with a girl from our hometown. In the timeline when I was in a different city he was cheating on me. Like I saw the texts saying things like baby goodmorning, I can’t live without you, when are you breaking up with her, I’ll break up with her soon etc. That time my heart just broke and I broke up with him, and came back to my room. Those days were like I couldn’t sleep at night I would just cry every morning and night. But still I was trying to move on. After a week he came back saying sorry to me (kind of manipulated me) and we got back together. After 2 months again I caught him using dating apps. We broke up again and got back together. Though I forgave him and came back but I couldn’t forget and everytime I would cry a lot when I used to be alone, this time there was a lot of toxicity from his ends. Then I decided to break up finally. I cut him off completely. After 4 months we came back in contact. Now we are not in a relationship, he tells me that he is not able to move on. Now after staying with him for 2 months I have realised that I haven’t moved on but I want to move on. I can never forget the way he disrespected me not once but a lot of times. But the thing is I like spending time with him. And he understands me about my family problems, he listens to me. I’m literally stuck here right now. I’m really bad at expressing feelings. So I thought to share it here and get opinions.