Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

I was in a relationship and once we both took a brk like not contacting each other for a year. During this tym i had a lot of problms going on with my frnds and also there was a guy who proposed me and he was continuously telling me that he loves me. I’m this kind of person who gets so affected when i get to knw that people are so upset bcs of me.all this pressure of my frnds avoiding me and this guy ignoring me bcs i didn’t say yes to him was a lot for me and also i had no one to talk abt all this. I always pretended to be a happy girl with lot of good frnds in front of my bf so I don’t want tell him all this. I don’t knw why I’ve been so stupid i jst said yes to that boy so that he won’t ignore mr again… He was so toxic that he evn control my smile, literally like " don’t show ur teeth when u smile, ur lips shld be this wide when u smile… " and so on😂.but at that tym i was ok with it bcs all this going thrg my mind and atleast he is not ignoring me.aftr that yr end i brk up with him, actually not brk up bt i jst ghosted him. Bcs i wanted to run away frm all this, i cut my frndshp with almost evryone, stoped contacting them, and made new frnds, patched up with my bf, then we mutually brk up and still we are good frnds… A lot happened later in my lyf. But now i regret everything i did in those days.i want to say sorry to that guy but i don’t knw if he could understand all this bcs he kind of madly lvd me evn though in a toxic way.