I was counting the stars and I found one unique out of trillions and it was you masha allah . 🥺

3am Thoughts

Ek baat ki raat batata hoon...ek seher mei ek gao tha us gao ke  jheel ke paas ek bastee basee huyee hai. ek baar ek aadamee jheel ke paas se kaar me baithakar gujar raha tha. achaanak usane ek esee aurat ko jheel ke kinaare baitha dekha jisaka sir gaayab tha. usane bastee ke logo se poochhataachh kee to use pata chala kee vah ek mrt aatma hai, jisaka saampradaayik dango ke dauraan sir dhad se alag kar diya gaya tha aur laash ko jheel me daal diya tha. tabhee se vah aksar jheel ke kinaare baithakar rotee dikhaee detee hai..or jo bhi usko dekh leta hei to  vej aatam usi ke ghar ke aas paas uske kamre mei ghoom rhi hoti hei..😶‍🌫️🙎

I love you all and for every person who feel that he/she lonely i will tell you i love you but love yourself too. ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

Love

Do you ever feel like no one likes you for no reason? Like they are nice to you but you have a hunch that they secretly hate you? Well i feel like that and I hate myself as well. I just a few minutes ago but I felt like it was something that I had to do but it gave me no comfort anymore. And I feel so tired everyday and the cutting isn’t working for that. It works for anxiety but I just feel like I’m losing track of time and I feel like I’m not myself anymore.  I haven’t felt like eating in a few days. I don’t know now why this is happening to me when it’s almost summer break

Depression

I am very much alone alone in my life. I need only one good friend Anonymously with whome i can shear every incident of my life. 

Family

I hope I don't end up inviting another monster into life 

This user want to run away from reality 💔💔

i feel grateful right now.:)

Gratitude

Not good.
I am 29M. I recently started researching a lot on my behavior and emotion.
I think I have ADHD. It has always been there. That's the reason I could never finish college, Failed my 12th 3 times, Have never been able to hold on to a job, can not stick to a single business/venture for more than a few months, am bad with dates, managing finances. I check all the boxes for that.

On another side I also found out that my mother is a narcissist and I have faced emotional abuse and trauma all my life. I was able to identify with a lot of traits in cluster B personality disorders, especially BPD and covert NPD. I have become the same toxic person as my mother. Apart from that. I have limerence attachment towards someone and they are part of most of my fantasies. I can't stop my mind to drive towards her. It has turned into an extremely unhealthy obsession.

I have always lived with this messed up thoughts/fellings/emotions. Never thought much about it. Though I always thought there was something wrong with me, but didn't know what.
But ever since I have been able to put a name to them and then research those names, I am getting extremely anxious about it.

I now just hate myself. As there is no treatment that cures this. I am now sure I would never ever amount to anything in my life. No one will ever love me for the monster I am. 

All I am looking for is a good therapist/psychiatrist in any city in India where I can move to. Should not be very expensive. I always have had a lot of trouble with my finances as I explained above.
They should have some experience with treating the issues I just mentioned. With the state of mental health awareness in India, I hardly believe there are many therapist who ever get any patient for anything other than the garden variety depression/anxiety treatment.

I know my NPD/CPTSD will always be with me, and I have to live with that.
The main thing I am looking for is some help with my ADHD. I want to be able to focus on things, not get sidetracked, do whats important and not just interesting, so that I could make a decent living. Maybe even more than decent.

P.S: I don't want direct help from this website. As I don't want to disclose my identity on a computer. I want to get in touch with my doctor face to face.


Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts