I want to spend time eith friends but my parents r kinda strict n they dnt let me go out everyday, i frel lik my friends will eventually forgt me too

Tried calling them home today as my parents r out. But they have some other plans n they askd me to join them. I wana goooooo this is my last yr withthem

But i dnt wan them to cancel their plans bcoz of me. 

itsokayy my parents are strict too maybe ask ur friends to come at ur place?or maybe talk to ur parents once about it,,and i understand the feeling that ur friends might stopinviting u for plan because u always have to cancel

FOMO

The long distance love happened and carved a deep distance, that never got filled, and never got killed the long distance love happened and carved a deep scar, that never changed remained untamed 

Love

What is love for you ?  Is it just thinking about them talking to them 24/7 ?? 

Adulting

They say love hurts, 
But from what i have been through,
I still wonder, 
Love doesn't hurt this much, does it?

3am Thoughts

When the right person will come! When! How much more! 😫

Anxiety

TWs: Cult, abuse, manipulation, religion, killing, self harm, cutting

I miss my cult-leader abusive ex. I can't help it. It's been 2 years, but I can't seem to be without him. He basically started a cult with me, but I can't help but miss it all. I was completely numb—not a single thought. I turned into a zombie for many months, basically giving my entire mind, body, and being to him. Before I met him, I didn't need this... I could be perfectly fine being my own person. But ever since he came and left, I can't imagine that. I feel so miserable existing, and it feels like my every fiber still belongs to him. I know it doesn't, but I can't help but feel this way. I haven't gone to school in weeks, and I can barely eat or drink. It's coming up to the 2 year mark, and the summertime brings it all back... I feel so depressed, even more than usual. I can't help but think about him constantly, oftentimes disassociating for hours at a time just reliving our relationship. I can't help but wonder how it could've been. He was supposed to legally adopt me and take me out into the mountains, starting a harem where I'd never see other people again. That sounds horrifying, but a sick part of me desperately wishes it happened and it's so confusing and exhausting. I don't believe in the religion he made and brought me into anymore, but sometimes I fall back into the mindset and believe it briefly. He convinced me he was a God and I was his soulmate that he created, and so much more. He told me that he was lonely for millions of years, so he made me to be his lover... but the universe was unhappy with that, and so I was punished, which is why I'm severely mentally ill. He convinced me that I had powers because of him, but I can't control them. Everyday, he would take me up into the hills and teach me how to "control my powers", but he said that because I'm an amateur, I needed to cut off everyone in my life until I was better trained. He said if I didn't, I would accidentally kill them with my untamed powers. He also convinced me that the only way he could control his own powers was through sex, and that if I didn't fullfil his needs, he might kill people. He told me that his ex regularly let him kill her but then bring her back to life, and that I need to do the same. I was also struggling a lot with self harm at the time, and he "provided help" by offering to be the one to cut me up. I can't take it much longer, I miss him... I miss it all. 

PTSD

Sooo
I've a leave today 
it's raining here
and I got a break after months 
So I'm planning to be in bed as (I'm not well) 
in my cozy warm blanket
Sipping my hot chocolate
And reading the book, I wanna finish since the last month
So just enjoying the rain from my balcony and having soft background music 
So that's my impromptu Tuesday plans 
What are you guy's plans for today?? 


Mindfulness

Strange thing happened to me...! Can people react like this?? I just had fight with my best friend so for few weeks we are just ignoring each other. Actually I'm great at sketching and she took all my sketches to show them to her mother and in return her mother ask for her sketch( this was before we fought). I've already sketched her but due to this fight I forgot 'bout it but when I realize that thuis sketch has nothing to do with it I ask someone who used to live near her so she handed her back and scoffed her off from her home. Is this right for her to behave like this????

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts