I want to run away from all the battles I'm yet to win. 
I want to run away from all the people without whom i can't live.
I want to make my life more miserable just so i can realise how good it is now.



3am Thoughts

I need help. I'm in my early twenties...clueless n scared about future with a really bad breakup which kinda stirred my childhood trauma... deteriorating family relations n declining physical n mental health...I literally do not have one ounce of energy to even utter a word...I feel so anxious and immobile. I try taking little steps to improve yet keep falling back more, I have just lost all my confidence n will to live. I'm running out of time to make it to my dreams and I cannot afford to lose one more sec but no matter what I just cannot stay on track or move forward I'm stuck.

Mental Health

Its a strange kind if feeling 🙄where nothing's wrong but nothing feels right either😬

Motivation

I don't know who to share my thoughts anymore. Just aimless wondering around. Sometimes you just need someone to understand and love you genuinely. Vulnerability places you at its lowest. 


Useless

Insecurity

hey ,so i wanna say i have issues and so many, everyone have issues but mine are different as in i have OCD and it can never be cured ,people may know about it so recently i stooped taking meds and since then i didn't sleep because of stress , i overworked myself myself till i collapsed i know i am doing it all wrong but what can i do i have OCD since i was 11 and i am tired of living on schedules , i cannot go in parties because it is my trigger i cannot do anything without triggering my OCD so that's why i stopped taking meds because i want to punish myself i know i am stupid and not thinking straight but that's the only way i can feel myself again. even after going on a date i take bath for almost an hour ,wash clothes on that instant and cry myself to sleep because i remember the date that i was busy organising the table that i forgot about the person sitting in front of me.


Why can’t I just get off my ass and do something?

Depression

I haven't really slept, I've been up all night, saw a movie, played with my brother and then he slept and then I was lonely, form within. Everything is weird right now, all I can understand is that the covid situations are bad and its taking a toll over my mental health without actually much happening to me. I'm grateful that I'm alive, everyone i love is safe and I'm happy about it. Couldn't ask for more, tbh! But then, there's this feeling inside me which makes me feel alone and sad and I know that it's temporary and it'll go but until it doesn't, it feels terrible and I don't really know where to start from, I have to study, where from? I have to workout, there's no motivation. I should build something, how do I arrange the material? I wanna cook something amazing but there's no onion powder at home. I know this sounds stupid and childlike but that's exactly how my brain is working right now. Also, there's this guy, he says that he loves me, I see that but because of his problems, he can't talk to me for the entire day. I don't really think about it. Its just that I don't feel positive, I've tried to. Now I know that I'll sleep and waste my day and screw my life up but I hope that coffee saves me, I don't like coffee btw.
I should get on a cleaning mission, I should clean the house. 
Can't believe I'm about to be 17 next month, last time I was excited for my birthday was when I was 5. Life changes, drastically! I am happy, maybe but right now, my mental health isn't at a good place. It will be, i know! Until then I just wanted to come here and let this out. I think I feel better. If you've continued to read my rants till here, thankyou! I don't know you, I probably won't even meet you but yea, just take care of yourself and you're important. 

i have a strong plan to end myself after christmas, it's the most real thing ive ever made, idk if i can stop myself i don't see any good future for myself.

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts