i want to just run off with my bf and start a new life in france or italy, this life sucks too much

lol, if i could, i wouldve. im 17, in my country we can ttake the vaccine if were not legally an adult


Life

I was a girl who never believed in love But one day one guy came into my life and proposed me. Even though I denied him he was so sweet and stubborn on me so i decided to give a chance 1 month I too gradually fell for him. He was very romantic but after I fell hard he started to avoid my calls whenever i asked him to meet he is giving excuses I really miss him even though i said it to him he never responds. From telling love you daily he is not responding me now I thibk he doesn't love me anymore im really confused whether to stay in that relationship or not 

Relationships

Let's start 

Anxiety

I want to talk but I'm always the one to text first... And if we talk it gets awkward cause we both don't know what to talk about...

Heyy heyyyyyyyylllllloooooooooooo :) 

Acquaintance

Imagining myself being threatened

Depression

Not easy

I have cut off from my bf from the last 2 past days. He has tried calling me 2 times till now and has sent me some messages asking what's wrong. Actually his love is like some days he behaves too busy, ignorant and some days he comes up with I love you so much. He has started taking for me granted that's why I did so to let him know that yes you can't treat me like that according to your time and moods. Now should I continue it or talk to him because i can't see any changes. It's been 2 days Don't he miss me? We have been together for 3.5 years.

To be honest, I feel this all the time that I don't know myself. I am unable to express myself to others, and every little situation brings so much anxiety that I am unable to process. I have been feeling lost and like I don't know myself. I am developing rage, and there's so much pain inside, it's like I am being so hard on myself for every little thing. The way I am dealing with myself isn't healthy. Also I ain't comfortable sharing all this with anyone I know because it doesn't help as such, I want to bring change in me, I want to at least know me, who am I and what my dreams are and what is my purpose, who I am without the people I love or I am mentally and emotionally dependent on. (Those people don't know this). Every now and then I get the thought that they will leave me Or find a better person, will forget about me Or hate me. It's like walking on an egg shells everyday. Can anyone please help me with solutions on this, cause even the basic tasks are getting hard for me. Please

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