Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

It won’t 💔💔💔
It’s the same maze for years
It feels like I can’t push myself anymore my heart is just a dead body I want the water to full my emptiness

Kind of that
I can feel joy but not happiness
I JUST CANT PUSH MY HEART
It’s painful

Every time I think I’m close to the answer, everything evaporates
What should i do then

Emptiness

Thanks for your time

No
I only have two or three friends that I don’t even talk to
Never been in a relationship
Sometimes I thought that I should let myself give m and receive love without limits. But I’m nearly dead these couple of years. One more heartbreak and i’ll done

Noo
I thought I’m giving you a headache

Ik
It isn’t the first time I reach my limits
Each time it feels like this is where i’ll fall
I don’t want to spend my life on the edge
I will try to fix things up once i put myself together

Thanks a lot
It’s the first time where someone deals with my pain the exact way i deal with others pain

Ik i meant that emptiness and blue
Life isn’t life without struggle

Don’t talk like that it makes me feel like life has no colors other than gray

Happiness isn’t the point of life. But it’s okay

Wish i can do that…
No let’s be a brave solider

This is crazy but😂 i want to drown in the ocean at 5 am almost in the sunrise
Where everything feels blue
Walking on a long hill then fly to the ocean

If i dared to think like that i will be already drowned in the sea
See I’m a weak person I can’t live believing my pain is not count and have no point

That’s the point
All gray, like my melodramatic life😂
Just to make sure my decision was right 😂

Yes
I want to get closer to god

Is that a compliment or nah
You talk like me when I’m in a good mood

Are you religious?

If you don’t mind me asking

Yess
I understand your point

I am
But I don’t feel close to god enough these days

No I got your point
It’s the feeling of being connecting to god, it’s like peace . To rely on him

Well
I’m a Muslim
I do talk to god when I’m crying sometimes
And i do tell him exactly what i want while praying
You might not take that seriously, but I remember that time when i was in my lowest and prayed to god to give me what i want, it was logically impossible but it eventually happened. From that time I used to tell him exactly what i want while praying.
So i do both of that

When i was a kid i used to talk yo god like he is my best friend😂 i was waiting to tell him what happened in my day before i get to sleep
I remember a sentence I used to say before getting into details
“Oh god you won’t guess what happened today”

We’re still a weak human
We can’t do it all ourselves
God is the most powerful, not everything happened in your life is because of you . Trust him . Don’t be harsh with yourself

Oo that’s adorable
Absolutely i do

No
Feel guilty and don’t have the right to do so

You think so?
As you can see i just wanted to throw myself in the sea although god says do not give up.
I made alot of promise to god, and didn’t meet any of them.
God made one of my childhood dream come true, then I didn’t even meet my dream with a happy face , not even a grateful one. How can i talk to him

Have you ever been through the same situation? Where you finally arrived, but your passionate is already dead? Even if it’s your biggest dream?
I did, I don’t believe in goals and dreams since then.

I do tell people that when they make mistakes but I don’t tell myself the same
We tend to do that a lot, being soft spoken to other while being harsh on ourselves for everything. I just can’t stand that anymore .

I can’t figure out the reason myself
I thought heaven is outside there. I did EVERYTHING to get out and reach it. IT was nothing but blue and gray outside. I knew it has been me all the time. It’s my eyes and not the view. Everything is falling apart since then

Welll
I simply decided that i will be a good person once i get out of this environment
And what i mean by being a good person is “ not being depressed and under the weather” anymore and having new friends and blah blah etc
What i did is becoming more depressed 😂
And I didn’t even make any effort to contact any of my friends or relatives

I will do that even if it’s feel unnecessary anymore

It’s not a thoughts, it’s a feeling.
You won’t get it unless you experience it
But you might be right. I will fix that as well

Why? Am I being ungrateful or annoying

So you must have told me the words that you wanted to tell yourself, am I right? Idk

I didn’t decide that fast, it means that this thought was living inside of my head for along time.

brilliant
I just thought that it means we all are drowning in the same sea
Because i did that hundred times with people.

Yes, the emptiness and absurdity

Well
You won’t overcome a problem just because other people have the same case.
We must do something actually 😂

Exactly
I want to clear my head after getting someone else a headache
That how things work from my experience 😂

I will

literally😂 we’re just complaining about our lives .

You may think that’s childish
But give something that reminds me of you, favourite book or song. I always keep something from strangers even if it’s a quote.
I will give you a book, one of my favourite, are you into reading?

I love that one😂
Well it’s: All the light we connt cannot see. By Anthony Doerr.
This book is close to my heart. You will enjoy it

Give your favourite one

Ooo i know that one
I love Albert Camus too
I have this book on my reading list
I love this quote that i’ve been thinking of for a while : one must imagine sisyphus happy.
absurdity in the sentence “you will push rock, and you will love it” is hilarious 😂 like I just need this kind of black thoughts to make my life much colourful